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Fort Lauderdale's Six Best Spring-Break Videos

Just as snowbirds fly south for the winter, spring breakers head here when it's cold.  This species of Fort Lauderdale tourist mostly originates in Midwestern universities. Each March, they travel in flocks to our beaches for one week only.

An invasive species, the Fort Lauderdale spring breaker wreaks havoc on our city through drunken debauchery. In the day, Fort Lauderdale Beach is their main habitat. They're nocturnal creatures too and can be spotted at CYN nightclub in the evening. They leave a trail of litter and vomit in their wake. 

In one week, they'll all leave for good. But in the meantime, local residents are advised to stay indoors. And if a drunk spring breaker accidentally runs into your glass window, take your phone out, record it, and post it on YouTube. In any case, here are the six most ridiculous Fort Lauderdale spring-break videos:  


6. Drunk spring breakers performing circus acts on Fort Lauderdale Beach

It's official. The college students from up north have descended upon our city like one big, drunk, traveling circus act — or at least, that's what this video would make you believe. A crowd of kids take turns launching themselves on a makeshift trampoline (a half-buried exercise ball). It's unclear where they're from or why they're so coordinated when drunk. It catches up to them in two epic wipeouts at 1:08 and 2:10. 


5. Big Ryan's 21st Spring Break Birthday in Fort Lauderdale
This video starts out with three guys in a car who don't have a plan. They're driving to Fort Lauderdale — the Fort Lauderdale version of The Hangover — and they're bringing a huge teddy bear. They arrive at a nice, canal-front home. Like locals, they go kayaking, catch a Heat game, and play football on Fort Lauderdale Beach. Things pick up at 6:34, when someone's mom brings out a cake. Don't be fooled by the wholesome fun, because things take a wild turn. For Big Ryan's 21st birthday, the guys drink beer, fishbowl margaritas, and neon-colored shots. They pick up some girls. At 7:25, though, the beer/liquor/margarita combo makes a second appearance — in Big Ryan's upchuck. It's OK, Big Ryan; we've all been there. 

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Jess Swanson is a staff writer at New Times. Born and raised in Miami, she graduated from the University of Miami’s School of Communication and wrote briefly for the student newspaper until realizing her true calling: pissing off fraternity brothers by reporting about their parties on her crime blog. Especially gifted in jumping rope and solving Rubik’s cubes, she also holds the title for longest stint as an unpaid intern in New Times history. She left the Magic City for New York to earn her master’s degree from Columbia University School of Journalism, where she spent a year profiling circumcised men who were trying to regrow their foreskins for a story that ultimately won the John Horgan Award for Critical Science Journalism. Terrified by pizza rats and arctic temperatures, she quickly returned to her natural habitat.
Contact: Jess Swanson