Welcome to spring break 2016 in Fort Lauderdale! Let's get weird!
Over the course of the next two weeks, millions of bad decisions will be made here by spring breakers looking to blow off some steam. Spring break is a runaway cargo train full of Fireball and suntan lotion that is about to slam smack-dab into the coast. Expect the unexpected. Hope for the best. But prepare yourselves for the worst.
University of Florida and Rollins College are off from now until March 6.
Most of the other Florida schools — University of Central Florida, Florida State, Barry, Embry-Riddle, Lynn, Florida Atlantic University, and University of Miami — are
University of North Florida and
While some might not be
Here are ten people you're sure to find stumbling around the beach over the next few weeks.
10. The Noob Couple
You can't have your cake and eat it too, but Noob Couple is different, you guys! These kids think their relationship is strong enough to overcome the machine that is spring break. Oh, how wrong they are. Alcohol plus nakedness times youth equals a Molotov cocktail thrown into the lap of any relationship that doesn't already have deep roots.
9. The "Out of Their Element" People
Spring break doesn't care what your major is. Anyone can take a stab at doing body shots. This group is easily sniffed out, usually because they just seem way too prepared, because that's how they go about everything in life. They forgot nothing. They have way too much stuff to carry. One of them probably has a drone with a GoPro camera that's shooting video back to his tablet on the beach. All that matters is that they have a good time, but that won't stop us from noticing they are totally out of their element.
8. The Sorority Sisters
Within every group of sorority girls lies a subset of different types of girls, cumulatively forming one functioning brand. When said
7. The Over-It Bartender
Every year, spring break is circled on the calendar like it's bartender-Christmas. More customers
6. Creepy, Trolling Non-Student Bros
These are the sharks that spring breakers need to worry most about. Dudes with nothing better to do during the week than troll the beaches for the easiest prey. Hey, wanna smoke a bowl in my studio? Interacting with these guys is how you end up on First 48.
5. Local Leave-Me-Alone Model
She's just trying to get her tan on.
4. The Imposters
Nope, not 21. In towns like Tallahassee, local high school students are used to finding an FSU party and blending in. They are almost burnt out on partying by the time they actually go to college. Here in South Florida, though, high schoolers aren't quite as exposed to the college life before it smacks them in the face. Spring break offers teenagers a chance to head out to the beach and
3. The Veterans
These are basically the people that get the back seat on the bus of spring break. This is their fourth, or seventh, spring break while in school, so they know the drill. Best bars. Best bartenders. Best hotels. Best clubs. All of that. They skip the
2. DJ Guy
Roughly 27 percent of the dudes on any given spring break beach is a DJ. It might even be a beach rule. Some will be passing out fliers; others will be passing out CDs; but they all have one thing in common — they'll make sure you know they are DJs.
1. The Buzzkills