Everybody's all like "Blurred Lines" this, and "Blurred Lines" that, and yeah the song is one of the most danceable R&B tunes to hit the radio since JT's "Sexy Back." But the hottest thing about Alan Thicke's son's semi-masterpiece is the video, not the song or the lyrics.
We at County Grind have a soft spot for
What follows are 20 of the absolute sexiest R&B songs of the past two and a half decades. We're not kidding, not exaggerating; this is the real thing. So if you just had a heart attack or are experiencing a flare up, don't click ahead. You're entering the horny zone.
20. 112 - "Anywhere"
Where can we do it? Anywhere?!
"In the Black 500 with the top down?" In the shower, "both of our bodies dripping wet?" Or "on the patio, we can make a night you won't forget?"
19. Keith Sweat, Featuring Athena Cage - "Nobody"
Remember that college boyfriend who liked to play this one when he wanted to do the nasty? He knew you'd be thinking about only one thing once that CD started spinning. Don't make us spell it out for you. OK, we will: S-E-X.
18. Toni Braxton - "You're Makin' Me High"
Doin' it again, and again! Toni's got the right idea. Next time Ms. Braxton has one of these IRL, OkCupid, girl power parties, where muscle-men and nerds are up for grabs, we insist she invite us along. Her scraps are better than our prime meat.
17. Wale, Featuring Tiara Thomas - "Bad"
Talk about straight sex, this track features the sound of a squeaking mattress. It's all about a chick so damaged she can't associate sex with love. This lady truly must possess the power take over the world, but only if she's as smart as she is raunchy.
And that hook is addictive, Tiara Thomas' bedroom voice just makes you want to do something more fun than "Bad."
16. Sade - "By Your Side"
This song represents a totally different side of boning. Play some Sade for the chick Wale was talking
15. R. Kelly - "You Remind Me of Something"
R. Kelly wants to wax it. He wants to pump it. He knows "there's something kinda sexy going on about you." That's right. It's that you remind him of his vehicle.
14. Miguel - "Adorn"
Miguel may be about as tall as your grandmother, but damn did he sing the most banging jam of the decade with "Adorn." He gently treads that line between romance and straight humping. This song will have you rubbing up on
13. Chris Brown - "Poppin"
Overlook the piece of poo that is Chris Brown's rep, and see for a sec that this guy is hot. Yeah, his style is way questionable (like the video for "Fine China" in which he dates a Chinese chick), but the man can dance and deliver a
12. Ginuwine - "Pony"
Ask your millennial boyfriend what this line from the bone anthem of the '90s means: "Sittin' here flossin', peepin' your
11. Beyonce - "Sweet Dreams"
Beyonce is beautiful. She is fierce. She is a divine entity that roams this planet. But Beyonce isn't always really sexual. With "Sweet Dreams," she harnesses the horny part of her goddess, leaves behind the Earth Mother and brings the steamy temptress we knew was in there.
Turn the lights off, we say!
10. 112 - "Peaches and Cream"
Yeah, we put another 112
9. Usher - "Nice and Slow"
It's seven o'clock on the dot and Usher's got your panties round your ankles! Usher should have a sexy song shrine dedicated to him. He even made sadness sexy with last year's "Climax." OMG. Imagine a Sade, Usher duet. It would permanently turn us all into crying vaginas. Happy crying vaginas.
8. D'Angelo - "Untitled (How Does It Feel)"
This video is a life-changing visual experience. And damn is D'Angelo's song almost as hot as his former turn of the century physique. This is, on every level, a beautiful experience. This would make a straight woman or gay man that's dying a particularly painful death smile with pure pleasure. It fills us with love and warmth and other less wholesome things. Thank you, D'Angelo, forever, for this video and song.
7. Kelly Rowland - "Motivation"
Having a drought? Let this be your motivation to get back on that horse. Kelly Rowland took all the sexy when Destiny's Child disbanded, and then she poured it into this ditty.
6. Next - "Too Close"
Sometimes sex is funny. And there's no song that makes sexin' more amusing than this one. It's about poppin' a boner while dancing. She can tell he's "excited" because of the "poke" coming through. "You know what I wanna do," he says, and we do. He's trying to hide the chub, but he can't fight it, just like you can't fight the urge to dance too closely to this lewd classic.
5. Rihanna, featuring Mikky Ekko - "Stay"
On the other end of the spectrum, "Stay" is a deeply sad song. It's got a nice emotional honesty to it that RiRi's jams tend to lack. But it's a damned downer. Play this one while weeping post-coitus with your ex.
4. Aaliyah - "Rock the Boat"
No way were were doing a best R&B list of any sort and leaving off Aaliyah. So sexy, R. Kelly had to marry her before she was legal (bad joke? There's no good Aaliyah joke.)
3. Jodeci - "Feenin"
Yeah, there might be sexier Jodeci songs, but this video is a real knee-slapper. Also, any poon that gets you locked up in the crazy house is gonna make for an inspired tune.
2. Mario - "Let Me Love You"
What an underrated sensual love song. We don't want to hurt anymore! Love us, Mario! We say, yes!
1. Janet Jackson - "Any Time Any Place"
Janet J. harnessed all that is beautiful and sensual about the '90s in this video. The tension is palpable, and the desire is oppressive. The sexy neighbor thing: awesome. This song will get you going any time, any place. Ms. Jackson certainly knows her nasty.
Make sure to follow Liz Tracy on Twitter for more sensual lists and bad jokes.
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