WTF is Rihanna thinking when she tweets a picture of her bare-ass b-b-b-bootay in a G-string, under the obviously phony-baloney guise of showing off a pair of newly purchased boots? 

Rihanna's Instagram Greatest Hits: Reefer, Chris Brown, Thongs, and Side-Boob

That question is rhetorical. We already have some ideas behind what could possibly be motivating one of the biggest pop stars in the world to be acting a fool on Instagram.  
5. Rihanna's Judgment Is Impaired Because She's High as Hell

Marijuana has not been known to enhance a toker's ability to make good decisions. After a few tugs off a didgeridoo that has been refashioned into a multichambered megabong, paying rent, doing laundry, and maintaining a discrete, positive public image no longer seem like values worth upholding.

And that's why chronic smokers of chronic are known to never have money on the first of the month, are always wearing the same stained-and-ripped clothing, and can't help but upload pictures of sticky icky to the internet. All of those things are bad ideas turned good ideas via a lil' somethin' somethin' called TH fucking C.

4. Rihanna Wants to Convince You That She and Chris Brown Should Be Together

Ri-ri wants you to "Like" them as a couple again, which is why she is constantly dropping pix of them together, usually canoodling. Every time it happens, the internet howls like a coyote damned by its coyote gods to forever wander an existential desert of total isolation. But maybe she thinks that after enough time, we'll all be so smitten with her retro-filtered make-out shots that we'll forget all about that time YOU KNOW WHO did YOU KNOW WHAT.

3. Rihanna Is Pal-sies With Terry Richardson
No comment

2. Rihanna Is Fine With Digging for Gold With Her Friends Watching
Rihanna clearly just wanted to let us know that you can scratch your crotch freely when on your personal jet with your paid assistant's head just inches from the itchy spot. 

1. Rihanna Is a Normal Person Who Likes to Look Good on the Internet

Nearly everyone has a degree of exhibitionism embedded within their psyche, and you can usually gauge how intense the dose is by their social media avatars. Of course, pop stars would be massive narcissists. That's why they're pop stars.

Rihanna performs 7:30 p.m. Saturday, April 20, at BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise. Tickets cost $35.75 to $121.25. Visit thebbtcenter.com.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.