Vans Warped Tour 2012: A Realistic Survival Guide

Hey, you! Yeah, you, the kid dancing around in his bedroom to New Found Glory's "Hit or Miss." You've got only a few days until the pop-punk music festival of your teen dreams comes to town. And you sure as shit don't want to show up unprepared.

A few questions that you might want to ask yourself before heading to Warped Tour this Saturday in West Palm Beach: Do you know all the lyrics to your favorite band's songs? Is your hair still a boring dirty blond, just waiting to be dipped in electric blue? Are those hamstrings stretched out and ready for some serious spin kicking?

Although the folks at Vans encourage you to pack raincoats, comfy shoes, and lots of water (see the official survival guide), we've got a few other preparations you should take into consideration before getting totally Warped.

Prep your hair with Manic Panic
Our female friend pictured above came to the show looking totally perma-teen with the ultimate Warped Tour look. Her crowning glory? Green hair, of course! Attracting your pop-punk dream date will be impossible with those mousy brown locks. Get some crazy stupid color up in there. Remember: You're dangerous; you're different.

Pack plastic grocery bags or maybe a shower cap
It's Florida, so the chance that it's going to rain is about as high as the probability that you'll run into a girl with a New Found Glory tattoo. And since you probably just dyed your hair the night before, this is the best way to avoid the color running all over your NOFX vintage T-shirt. Nobody wants to hang out with a Smurf.

Pack on the waterproof makeup
Did you see that photo back there? Oy vey! That's just called having bad friends.

Style yourself in ironic clothing, bikini tops, and your favorite pair of Vans
Clear glasses without the prescription, T-shirts with cats on them, booty shorts that say Mosh on the ass, and of course anything with 666 on it. These will comprise your Warped Tour ensemble.

The more ironic, the better. Extra points for including neon colors. It's going to be a scorcher out there, so sub a bikini top in for a boring ol' T. This will make crowd-surfing awkward, but eh, YOLO. Hot Topic has everything you need to look concert-perfect, and you can pick up tickets to Warped while you're there too.

Memorize those song lyrics
>In addition to all that crowd-surfing, you'll probably spend a great deal of time yelling out the lyrics to some of your favorite songs. But do you know all the tracks on every album? Are you a completely devoted superfan who's familiar with all the B-sides and obscure tracks? If you answered no to any of these questions, brush up on those lyrics. You don't want to be "that guy" mouthing watermelon to the forgotten lyrics.

Extra hair product
Like we mentioned, "creative" hairstyles will be abundant at Cruzan on Saturday. But you don't want to let rain, your own or anyone else's sweat, or mosh-pit moves put a damper on that rad Mohawk or incredibly spiky, gravity-defying hair of yours. Make sure to pack some extra hair glue, gel, or whatever the hell you use to get that mop to stand up. Remember: The higher the hair, the closer to God.

Do some yoga stretches in the morning
There will be a ton of mosh-pit action, stage-diving, and all around goofy crowd dancing throughout the day. You want to be ready for it all. Do some yoga moves in the morning to get those muscles limber and stretched in preparation. You should probably spend some time practicing mosh faces in the mirror too: Mouth open, eyes filled with punk glee. Don't want to look like a total fool out in the pit! 'Cause you know, slam-dancing doesn't make you look like an angry gorilla or anything.

Avoid "that guy"
Ladies, whatever you do, try your hardest to avoid any sort of douche-y guy who thinks picking up chicks with body paint is going to work. This may sound like common sense, but after a long day of being out in the sun and downing energy drinks, who knows what sort of Monster-goggles you'll end up wearing. And you don't want to end up wearing "that guy."

Vans Warped Tour. 11:30 a.m. Saturday, July 28, at Cruzan Amphitheatre, 601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach. Tickets cost $44.05. Purchase at Livenation.com.

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