Lists

Five Animals That Look Like Rick Scott

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2. Beluga Whale

This is a Beluga Whale (though I'm still not entirely convinced it's not Roofus Scott, the liberal half-brother of Rick Scott who was exiled to the sea after caught watching Real Time With Bill Maher). The similarities are uncanny: the shiny dome, the dumb grin, the blowhole that spews salty mucus.

Things they have in common: • Lack of a dorsal fin. • Thinking homosexuality can be cured by bathing in tomato juice.

3. Three-Toed Sloth

This is a Three-Toed Sloth. Aside from sharing the same vacuous stare, Rick Scott and the sloth also share a similar thought process. It goes like this: ...and breathe ...breathe again. An unnamed source claims that Rick Scott's closest advisers are made up almost exclusively of Three-Toed Sloths.

Things they have in common: • They both dance like this. • Favorite song is "Dust in the Wind."

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer