Sports

Five Reasons Everyone Should Hate the Cleveland Browns

You might be sitting there thinking, Why would I hate the Cleveland Browns? and for that, I don't blame you. They are rather anonymous in their sucking. They lurk in the shadows with their suckiness, winning three to five games every season, gobbling up top draft picks and then passing them through their digestive system like bad Indian food. The Cleveland Browns are exactly like the New England Patriots but in a parallel universe sort of way. They are like the Patriots in an upside-down, Stranger Things-type world. 

So, why should Miami Dolphins fans enter this Sunday hating the Cleveland Browns more than ever before? There are many totally justifiable reasons you should consider. 

5. Dolphins fans should hate the Cleveland Browns because of LeBron James, obviously. 

Let us just get this out of the way so we can move on to other things: LeBron James lives and works in the city of Cleveland, so you should always root for the worst to happen there. Petty? You bet. Mature? Not at all. Justifiable after a glance at the Miami Heat's roster? You're damn right it is. 

Anyway, hasn't the city of Cleveland seen enough winning this year? Do they really need a September win against the Miami Dolphins to throw on top of their pile of 2016 sports moments? Even the Indians had a good season this year. 

4. The Browns made Manziel Mania so much worse than it had to be. 


Johnny Manziel was destined to be a disaster, but the Browns made his epic bonfire of an NFL career so much worse. The Browns' lack of structure and overall incompetence are partially responsible for Manziel crashing and burning at such a rapid pace.

All we heard for two years was Johnny Manziel this and Johnny Manziel that, but it was all a joke because the Browns just threw him out there to get concussions every week simply because the owner demanded they draft him high. Now, he's just high. 
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi