LeBron James Has Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA Behold His Works and Despair | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Sports

LeBron James Has Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA Behold His Works and Despair

While the Miami Heat has won 110-87 and taken a 1-0 series lead over the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, it's pretty safe to say this one was over before it began.

Not just the game.

The whole damned series.

This Heat team and, more to the point, LeBron James, are not just built to win 66 games and get into the playoffs. They're built specifically to get to the playoffs and then punch teams in their collective faces so hard their skulls rip out of their faces with the spine still attached.

LeBron has been making mincemeat of teams all season long, en route to a fourth league MVP award. And on Sunday, he showed he still very much is in wreck the ass of all who oppose him while suplexing a horse for no good reason other than because he can mode.

Scoring 27 points on just 11 shots, grabbing ten boards, and missing out on a triple-double by two assists, James was quiet thunder. And you just knew he could simply destroy the Bucks at any moment if he felt it was necessary, if things looked like they would get out of control or the lead would slip away.

Instead, he was all cold merciless Cobradick, bludgeoning the Bucks with a slow, methodical, efficient death rather than a quick thunderous kill.

James simply outmatched the entire state of Wisconsin in a maelstrom of cock-slaps and devastating dunks that left the Bucks breathless and served as a warning to all:

Shit, as it were, is about to get real.

But LeBron was not alone in littering the American Airlines Arena with decaying deer corpses and broken assholes.

Chris "Birdman" Anderson and Chris "Dinobosh" Bosh also had to get in on some face-smashing good times.

Anderson has solidified himself as a ball-wrecking harbinger of disaster that we all knew we were getting when he signed midseason. He crashed the boards, grabbed loose balls, played stifling defense, and cleaned up misses with ferocious putbacks that had the entire Heat faithful flapping their arms like a bird in unison like some absurd crazy-ass golden-eagle cult.

At no time was the Triple-A as frenzied as when the Birdman dunked.

Anderson scored ten points and grabbed seven rebounds. And the energy he brought was just what Miami needed whenever it started to play grabass with the lead and allowed the Bucks to come within two points (the Bucks never tied or led in this game).

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

Latest Stories