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Marco Rubio Hates Gays but Isn't a Bigot, According to Marco Rubio

Give Marco Rubio a break, you guys.

Sure he opposes gays from having the same rights as straights in every possible way imaginable, including the right to marry the person you're in love with and the right to not get fired over your preference of whom you choose to sleep with during your own private time.

BUT THAT TOTALLY DOESN'T MAKE HIM A BIGOT!

So said Charisma Boy! himself during a firefied speech to fired-up GOPers at the CPAC gathering of fired-up GOPers who just want their country back (back in 1952, yes, but back nevertheless!)

"Just because I believe that states should have the right to define marriage in the traditional way does not make me a bigot," Rubio proclaimed to his fellow Gay Haters Who Are Not Bigots on Thursday afternoon.

You tell 'em, Marco!

Deriding and being intolerant of an entire group of people based purely on the fact that they're different from you and actively denying them simple civil rights does not make you a close-minded bigot. At. All. Pffft.

Oh, but you know who is close-minded?

People who believe in science! That's who!

"The people who are closed-minded in our society are the ones who love to preach about climate science but ignore that science has proven that life begins at conception," Rubio said.

Damn right.

Science is bullshit, man.

What with their facts and math and proof of things.

Rubio then went full GOPER INTOLERANCE mode and called liberals "freeloaders," because it's a hate-monger partay up in this hizzayy!!

Rubio wrapped up this groundbreaking, historically erudite speech soaked in wisdom and enlightenment by saying that he already knows how the Lefty Lefts are gonna come at him.

"I'll tell you what the criticism from the left [of the speech] is going to be," he said. "Number one: 'That he drank too much water.' Number two: 'That he didn't offer up new ideas.' We don't need new ideas. The idea is called America, and it still works."

Marco Rubio -- the senator from Florida and next president of the United States of Murca who introduced legislation that would let companies deny their female employees access to birth control, voted against the Violence Against Women Act, doesn't want to let gay people marry, won't allow gay people to become foster parents, and still thinks the whole global warming thing is up for debate even though science says otherwise -- doesn't need to introduce no new ideas.

Because, America!

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