As a general rule, people like going to the beach and splashing around in the ocean, but they tend to get fussy when they emerge covered in toxic tar sludge from an exploded BP oil rig. Strange, I know--but decidedly true.
Although the April 20 catastrophe has already released 6 million gallons of oil into the Gulf, our beaches remain mostly pristine--but Mr. and Mrs. New Jersey Snowbird don't exactly "get" that. As a result, Gov. Crist called for $35 million from BP to kickstart a tourism campaign to promote our clean beaches. BP pledged to part with $25 million, but today Senator-hopeful Kendrick Meek said nuh-uh: $100 million, please.
With scientists predicting that oil from the spill is going to boomerang up Florida's Atlantic coast via a loop current, we need to get cracking on that tourism campaign. And though by "we," I meant Florida's tourism department, the responsibility naturally falls upon The Juice. See our top five picks for anti-oil campaign slogans, after the jump:
5. "Oil spill? No, someone just dropped their glass of Kahlua. You're not square, right?!"
4. "Petroleum? I hardly know him!"
3. "What's the only oil on the beaches? Suntan oil. VISIT Florida does not condone the use of skin cancer-causing agents."***
2. "Don't worry: This was crude oil. Only the most refined fuel can penetrate the private beaches of the Breakers."
1. "Florida Beaches: Where the people are slick, the sunscreen's never greasy, and the waves will fuel your afternoon fun."
***Actually, David Halstead, director of the Florida Division of Emergency Management, really did debut this line during a news conference. Sadly, he did not say the italicized portion. SPF, guys. SPF.