Who to blame for the sudden crisis that has gripped the baseball hat industry, whose condition is mourned in the New York Times? Could it be the performance enhancing drugs that have cut a wide swath through All-Star Game rosters, ruining the game's glamor? Could it be this popular website, which has revealed to baseball cap wearers -- especially those who wear them backward -- the depth of their douchebaggery?
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Nope. Blame it on the Marlins. The same team that's getting millions to build a stadium for thousands to attract dozens of fans is also the most labor-intensive hat in the league. The Times article says the Fish logo demands nearly four times the stitching as the game's dominant franchise:
It takes 2,688 stitches for the interlocking NY, fourth least in the league after the Pirates, the Phillies and the Cubs. The most complex logo? The Florida Marlins', with 10,966 stitches. Take that, New York.
And don't even try to add more stitches as a response, gothamites. Marlins lobbyists are close to securing tax increases that would pay for the logo to be studded with 3-karat diamonds.
Well, I'm kidding about that last part -- but would you be surprised?