Purely and simply, Rothe's takes the fear out of getting your car fixed. Two financial concerns loom every time the old Olds craps out: How much will the repair itself actually cost, and how much in addition to that will you get ripped off? With Rothe's, the latter is of zero concern, because Rothe's is one of those Mayberry, RFD kinda places that puts the lie to honest mechanic being an oxymoron. Sure, the tab for the repair itself is unavoidable, but here, it's always reasonable. Most important, with Rothe's, you won't also get bamboozled into replacing your shocks and your belts and that other thingamajig. When you take your rattletrap in thinking you need new brakes for 200 bucks, how many other places will tell you that you just needed an adjustment for 20 bucks? Rothe's will. When's the last time you've been pleasantly surprised by a car repair bill? With Rothe's, it can happen. No fear, indeed.
No sports nut is as gadget-happy as an angler. At Outdoor World, there are thousands of rods, tens of thousands of reels, hundreds of thousands of sinkers, millions of bobbers, and zillions of jigs. Lures? They number in the gazillions. But forget the mind-boggling numbers. Since the Missouri-based Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World set up shop in Dania Beach, South Florida anglers have been able to find innumerable gadgets under one 160,000-square-foot roof. This store, just off I-95 at Griffin Road, is no ordinary bait-and-tackle shop. This is quite simply an angler's ultimate -- sorry about this -- wet dream. If you buy more than will comfortably fit in your tackle box, don't worry. Just purchase a boat and trailer and drive your haul out of the parking lot. But there is one drawback. Between the giant aquarium, the stuff, the regularly held workshops, the stuff, the casting clinics, and, oh yeah, all that stuff, some anglers find no need ever to go out on the water again. When they talk about the big one that got away, they're discussing the killer rod-and-reel combo on the clearance rack that someone else snagged before they could even get their feet, well, wet.

Get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? Get fired, divorced, or just step in something smelly? Head over to AA Lock and Gun and take out your aggressions by paying $75 annual membership to rent a Ruger (after taking a safety course), entering the indoor range, and knocking off a few rounds. Where else can you do all that? AA Lock and Gun is an institution, arming South Florida since 1963. The appraiser and gunsmith have about 80 years of experience between them. The shop carries Browning, Ruger, Colt, Remington, Smith and Wesson... basically, any maker you might want. And any ammunition as well, from .22 to the massive .454 Casull, which makes Dirty Harry's .44 magnum bullets look like pop-gun fare. The place is open from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday and 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday. Whatever the problem, you'll feel better after you've put some big holes in that human-shaped paper target. Just leave it at that.
If flintlocks pull your trigger, hustle on down to Mark 1st Antiques on the corner of Dania Beach Boulevard and Federal Highway. In the modest, mural-splashed, one-story building anchoring the south end of the antique district, owner Mark Furst (get it?) presides over cases and racks packed with obsolete military technology, from World War II helmets to samurai armor. Amid the standard antique-shop clutter of silver plate, china, and jewelry stand displays of daggers and pistols. Exotically twisted swords and elaborate old rifles hang on the walls. But Furst doesn't carry homicidal hardware made after 1898, only the classic stuff. Half a century ago, Furst, who then lived in Chicago, bought an 1810 Russian pistol in Germany for $10 and discovered he could sell it back home for $50. In 1980, he moved his business to Dania, where -- assumedly -- he's been profiting ever since.

This place is the Starship Enterprise of storage, sans photon torpedoes. No chance of doors slamming on your ass here, friends. Motion detectors swoosh portals open at your arm-filled approach. Same deal with the lights; you're never hunting for a switch, because they pop on automatically. Air conditioning keeps sweat to a minimum, as do the plentiful carts and dollies for pushing your cargo around. Sorry, no Ten Forward bar. A 5-by-10-foot air-conditioned room, about right for a one-bedroom apartment, costs $103 a month. Hours are 8:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Monday through Friday; 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday; and 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday.
The wall of dildos and vibrators is mind-boggling. Hmm, boggles more than the mind, we guess. This adult playland offers a variety of ways to spice up your sex life. The X-Factor is a large space that sells reasonably priced, run-of-the-mill nonoxyl-9 lubricants like Astroglide and a few harnesses with all the basic straps for couple-fixin'. Knowing that safe sex is the best sex, the owners also provide a load of options in the latex department, including reality condoms, which are worn by ladies. But c'mon, aren't women always having to take care of everything when it comes to freaking? That's why you should pick up a blindfold for under $10 or a nice pair of $20 wristcuffs for your gal. And don't forget to snag some pamphlets about how to clean and care for your new toys on your way out.
The Swiss-chalet architecture of this place puts one's mind at ease. You could almost expect to walk into the store for a cup of hot chocolate and a bit of friendly banter with some girl named Heidi. If the girl in question were naked except for a pair of six-inch high heels and the chocolate in question were being poured over her body, you'd actually be close. Megaplexxx is looking forward to a bright future as a smuthouse. It has titles in all the important porn subcategories and even sub-subcategories. "Teens," for instance, is not a category in and of itself anymore. You have to know whether you want teen cheerleaders, teen schoolgirls, naughty teens, nice teens, 30-year-old women pretending to be teens, and so on. Whatever you come up with, Megaplexxx probably has it. Even Swiss teens involved in a chocophiliac love scene... well, maybe.
This place has it all, from A to Z. Or in this case, from Arturo Fuente to Zino. As long as you have something more than lint in your pockets, you should be able to pick up one of the cheaper cigarillos, which usually cost around 60 cents. But why do that to yourself? A good cigar will run you around $5, $10 if you really want to splurge. Of course, if you're the type to hemorrhage money whenever possible, prices go as high as $29.50 for a Davidoff Aniversario No. 1, which comes in its own tube. Once you've gotten a few cigars and developed a serious habit -- or addiction, as the case may be -- you'll want to purchase a humidor. Bennington sells them real cheap, $100 for a large one, which holds 150 to 200 cigars, or $65 for a small one, which accommodates up to 50 stogies. In all, the place boasts smokes from more than 80 manufacturers; each company has its own varieties, so you need never run out of new and exciting ways to do yourself respiratory damage.
For everyone who is shaving years off his life while satisfying that oral fixation, this place is a utopia among bars. It's very smoker-friendly, having only recently reduced the smoking section to a long row of comfortable booths against one side of the restaurant and bar; the government made them do it. As for the machine in the back of the room, two things separate it from the mundane cigarette-vending gizmo. First, a pack of darts costs $4. And, while that's a bit more expensive than typical convenience-store prices, it beats the pants off most other machines, where prices are usually in the $4.50 to $5 range. When you also include the fact that this machine dishes out hard packs instead of soft ones, it must be the best in town. Why pay $4 for a pack of smokes that's just going to be crushed in your pocket because of that darned soft pack? As long as there are cigarette machines, which may not be long, given the way the antismoking wind is blowing, Maguire's is the best local bet.
Broward County is home to plenty of shops selling marijuana pipes, but many of them also stock so many inconsequential knick-knacks, trinkets, and doo-dads that it's hard to get a gander at what you walked in there for. You can find your Nag Champa incense at any brightly lighted, family-friendly head shop, but for the best selection of those beauteous color-changing glass pipes (and waterpipes -- don't you dare call 'em bongs), explore the slightly sinister vibe at Cloudy Daze. Something tells us this is the place to come when your terrazzo floor and your hand-blown bubbler meet under tragically unfortunate circumstances. Rather than fill its square footage with Grateful Dead Hacky Sacks, sex-toy novelties, or crystal unicorns, Cloudy Daze has exactly what you want: Lots and lots of pipes with which to smoke dope. Is that so wrong?

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