Best Bar on the Water 2004 | Bahia Cabana | Bars & Clubs | South Florida
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Best Bar on the Water

Bahia Cabana

Kristin Bjornsen
Bahia Cabana has that Hotel California feel to it. This makes sense, because Bahia Cabana is the hotel bar for the Days Inn Bahia Cabana Resort, which overlooks Bahia Mar Marina. But once you walk through the lobby into the tiki-fied confines of the bar, something happens. Though technically you're still in Florida, you're transported to some parallel universe where Hawaiian print shirts are required, Rum Runners and Piña Coladas flow freely, up to 20 people can fit in the bar's hot tub, and everyone's doing shots of Red Death (orange juice with shots of about six other liquors, $5.50). You can't really pinpoint what time period it is or even what time it is, but let's just say the atmosphere lies somewhere between Elvis' Blue Hawaii and David Lynch's Blue Velvet.

Best Example of Old Hollywood

Stratford's Bar

Hollywood just ain't Hollywood anymore. The old mom-and-pops that catered to retirees along Hollywood Boulevard have been displaced by hip new restaurants with -- gasp! -- valet. The old slumlords who rented 300 square feet with a wall-unit air conditioner for $500 have competition in towering luxury apartments around Young Circle. Hollywood has somehow become hip. But no matter how many $1,200-per-month apartments developers build or how many coats of paint are slathered on those overpriced cement-block igloos surrounding City Hall, Hollywood will always be Hollywood. That is to say, Hollywood will always be just a little bit ghetto. The diehard holdout to municipal gentrification is Stratford's Bar on Hollywood Boulevard, so close to I-95, you can almost read those child-abduction alerts from the bar. This two-story landmark with three televisions, a pool table, and eight dartboards serves up beer for Hollywood's working man. With prices at $2.25 per bottle and the clientele always ready for a conversation, Stratford's is the place to go when you're looking for the true Hollywood experience. Like the city itself, the bar is just a little ghetto.

Best Reason to Put on Your Dancing Shoes

The Blowtorch DJs

The idea seemed simple enough: Get a few guys together who had varied tastes in music, find a good bar, and put on a monthly dance party for the kids. And what started out as a simple Wednesday-night party at the Fox and Hound in Fort Lauderdale (4812 N. Dixie Hwy., 954-491-8869) last May turned into a monthly event local scenesters actually got excited about. Suddenly, Wednesday wasn't just Hump Day; it was an excuse to get rip-roaring drunk, bust a move, and possibly break something. And that's a good thing. Over the course of the summer and into the fall, Blowtorch, which is essentially a revolving-door DJ collective of anywhere from five to seven guys from the local music and art scene, lit up the Fox with R&B, punk, glam, metal, hip-hop, prog, industrial, Rod Stewart, Prince, 2 Live Crew, and Golden Earring. Yes, Golden Earring. If you can't find your dancing shoes the last Wednesday of the month, at least invest in a pair of drinking shoes.

Best Martini

Dakotah 624

i>New Times sent an operative to Dakotah 624, but reports that followed were clouded in a hangover. Apparently, the night began at this hipster bar, which seems plucked from the shores of South Beach, with a "Dakotah's bonsai pineapple" martini. It's one of those trendy cocktails made with coconut rum and vodka soaked so long in fruit that the concoction tastes like it came out of a Kool Aid pitcher. Things got cloudy after that. There was apparently a round of "the Jake" martinis, a gut-busting brew of tequila and Tabasco served in a glass dipped in Cabernet and frozen to look like an odd-shaped popsicle from hell. Then came the "twisted sister," which, unfortunately for our inebriated taster, did not feature Dee Snider. Instead, it's a tart blend of lime gin and lemon vodka. About this time, the bar crew came by to clear out dinner tables, making way for a dance floor that materialized SoBe-style. It's not clear what came next, but from the bill (martinis range from $8 to $12) and the chocolate stain on the reporter's notebook, it appears the night ended with a "white chocolate martini." That's a mixture of orange Stoli, amaretto, Godiva white chocolate liqueur, and powdered sugar, all in a chocolate-rimmed glass. It's enough to make any hangover a little sweeter.

Best Margarita

Tequila Cancun

Nibbling on nachos, watching muchachos,

20 kinds of tequila behind the bar,

Marg's by the bucket, stick a straw in and suck it,

No bartender will tell what the ingredients are.

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville,

Searching for South Florida's finest saloon,

Some people claim all margaritas taste the same,

But we found the best at Tequila Cancun.

Don't need no reason; we'll drink here all season,

With nothing to show but these salt-covered lips,

All of us foodies love Cancun's Tex-Mex booty,

Drink up; have some chips and a dozen more sips.

Two-for-one margaritas, with signature fajitas.

Soccer matches play on the satellite TV,

Alberto the owner always comes over,

says, "If you're not happy, the drinks are on me."

Best Beer Selection

Big Bear Brewing Co.

C. Stiles
The Big Bear Brewing Co. is an oasis of tasty microbrewed goodness in a wasteland of Anheuser-Busch and Coors saturation. Its Kodiac Belgium Dubbel won a gold medal at the 2002 American Beer Fest, and the brewery has also earned a half dozen other national awards for fermented excellence since it opened in 1996. Brewmaster Matthew Cox has covered all the bases, offering ales in wheat and red, pale and brown, even a root beer for the kiddies and a Polar Light for the carb-counting or calorie-conscious. It also alternates specials, shifting from different fruity flavors to Irish Stout and even an Espresso Cream Stout for the caffeine-addicted. If you're hungry, there's a full menu with pub fare and yuppified steak-house faves -- a little bit on the expensive side ($9 for a burger and fries), but tasty nonetheless. You can tell you're in a brew pub from the décor: antique beer posters and black-and-white photos of the brewing process from back in the day. The best part about Big Bear is that the staff is friendly and knowledgeable and that all the beer is made on-site. No need for born-on dates here; the beer goes from fermenting tank to serving tank on to the tap and into your glass, then straight down your gullet.

Best Night Out with the Boys

Sunday at Voodoo Lounge

So it's the Lord's day and your only chance to be free from waiting tables for those obnoxious out-of-town jerks who always want more salt, pepper, and a chance to abuse your fragile sense of dignity. So you want to get drunk and get weird. Well, there's really only one place to do it, and that's Voodoo. See, the place will not only sell you any drink in the house for $4 if you can prove that you work in the hospitality industry -- think check stub -- after 11 p.m. But it has some of the raunchiest, funniest drag material you have ever had the lowbrow opportunity to sit through. It's been doing the show for seven years, since even before the founders moved to South Florida from Rochester, New York, so the material has had time to percolate. Daisy Dead Petals hosts two drag shows, one at midnight and one at 2 a.m. The second is the raunchier one, so stick around.

Best Bar Location

The Original Fat Cat's

Let's face it. Fort Lauderdale is a suburb no more. Thousands of condos are on the cusp of opening downtown, which means that driving will be impossible. That's good, because piloting while potted can land you either in the pokey or the morgue. Fat Cat's, which has picked up the Best Hamburger award in the past, is located on the eastern edge of the Himmarshee strip in a refurbished spot (a fire did significant damage a couple of years ago) just a block or two from hundreds of new condominiums and our favorite Lauderdale neighborhood, Sailboat Bend. It's a loud, sexy joint that boasts live music most nights, dollar drafts on Thursday, and true urban ambience. So hoof on over. Later, you can almost fall over onto your doorstep.

Best Bar in Palm Beach

O'Shea's Irish Pub

There's an easy way to spot an authentic Irish pub. It's by the beer-to-donuts ratio. Back in June of 2002, during the World Cup of Soccer, the pints at O'Shea's Irish Pub regularly got sticky from Dunkin' Donuts. Soccer fans and regulars packed the place for early-morning football, just as they do every other time of the day. Owner Maurice Costigan, a soccer player himself, designed the pub with an atmosphere similar to a watering hole in his native West Cork, Ireland. After games, he lined up shots of whiskey to celebrate the Irish victories. And this ain't no sports bar: There's a single TV over the billiard table. But then, O'Shea's has never been about anything fancy. During downtown West Palm Beach's heyday, oh, five years ago, O'Shea's was always an oasis of normalcy among Clematis Street discos. Now it's become something real, not far from the Disney-like perfection of CityPlace bars. It's still nothing more than a comfortable place to get a beer poured off the back of a spoon, play nine ball on the cheap pool table, and dig into a pastry-topped Guinness beef pie. Test it out next time there's early-morning soccer on the telly -- and bring donuts. Readers' Choice: Dada

Best Clean, Well-Lighted Place

Rush Street Martini Bar

It is early, and the crowds have not yet gathered. It is what they call happy hour, but the old man sees little obvious happiness here. He raises his drink to his lips. For a happy hour, it is very quiet. Quietness is good. You do not want loudness. You want the place to be clean and pleasant. You want the bartender to be pleasant, but you do not want her to talk too much. The bar is clean, with its long laminated counter. It is well-lighted, with little hanging lamps and curled-paper shades. There are neon highlights along the ceiling. There are hightop tables with stools, but the old man prefers the bar. There is music -- something by an artist previously known as the Artist -- but it is not too loud.

"Another one?" asks the pleasant but not-too-talkative bartender named Angie.

A group comes in and orders drinks. The men order something called a cosmopolitan. A pink drink that should be consumed by women, the old man thinks. The women order rum and Coca-Cola. Not the smooth Puerto Rican rum but something called Captain Morgan. A harsh, masculine drink. The old man shakes his head. If the bar were not so clean, he would spit on the floor.

"Another?" asks the bartender.

The old man shakes his head. Nada, he thinks. Now, he will have nada. Two of the bitter mixtures of gin and quinine water ($6.75 for both, at the happy hour rate) are enough. He is sufficiently steeped in gloom. But he will be back. He will return when he senses the necessity of drinking quietly in public during the happy hour.

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