Sports & Recreation

Where there once was a pointed roof, there now is a glowing capsule at the tip of a cosmic rocket ship. Or it might look that way to those on quality hallucinogens after dark who are within a five-mile radius of the Bank of America Plaza. While some nights the newly added LED display is a cool, steady blue, other times it flashes rainbow cheerfulness like the cityscape equivalent of a Grateful Dead jam. Kudos to the city's fifth-tallest building for becoming the most magical to behold.

He was supposed to be a choker. A guy who shrank in the big moments. LeBrick. And after roughly 1 billion articles disparaging him after the Heat lost in the NBA Finals in 2011 to the Dallas Mavericks, it was apparent that the "LeBron James will never be Michael Jordan" argument was once again imminent. Then the 2012 NBA Playoffs happened. And LeBron showed the world that he had the coal-fired nuts to carry a team into the finals and obliterate all haters' hopes and dreams of watching him disintegrate into a fine powder. LeBron was an absolute freight train of devastation with his athletic prowess, littering the court with the decaying corpses of the Knicks, Celtics, and Thunder, telling any and all who doubted him, mocked him, and otherwise said ridiculous things about him to go and fornicate with farm animals. With a primal intensity usually reserved for professional assassins, Le­Bron came through with what was possibly the single greatest one-man performance ever witnessed in NBA Playoff history. He has carried those powers into the 2013 season, where he just won a fourth MVP award, which is something Michael Jordan never did. Grace and violence.  Beauty and devastation. Poetry and triumph.  LeBron James is a walking epic poem.

Red from The Shawshank Redemption was obviously a Miami Dolphins fan. When Andy Dufresne tells him that, no matter how bleak things get, despair can never touch the hope that resides in us all, the frustrated Red replies, "Hope is a dangerous thing." And maybe that's because, as a Dolphins fan, Red has tried to believe that the new hotshot quarterback is the heir apparent to Dan Marino. Since Number 13 retired, the Fins have plowed through no fewer than 12 signal callers, all of whom fizzled out and got thrown back into the fetid garbage heap of failure. But now there's Ryan Tannehill, Miami's 2012 first-round draft pick, who has taken up the hope mantle and will try to bring that elusive thing called "winning" to a disillusioned fan base. In his rookie season, Tannehill threw for 3,294 yards — that's more than Marino threw in his rookie year. Tannehill also chucked 12 TDs and finished the season with a respectable 58.3 completion percentage. More important, he's shown he possesses the moxie and badassitude we haven't seen since Marino roamed the field and annihilated NFL defenses. The Dolphins have now armed themselves with new weapons, such as receiver Mike Wallace and tight end Dustin Keller. So Red, Dolphins fans can leave their worries behind. Ryan Tannehill is the hope Andy Dufresne was talking about.

Let's face it: There's not much to get excited about from the Miami Marlins this year. The good news from the Marlins penchant for trading their best players away for no-names is that they also got to replace the train wreck known as Heath Bell at closer. With Bell shipped off to Arizona, the closer's role opened up for 26-year-old Steve Cishek, who came into the role with guns blazing. Drafted by the Marlins in 2007, Cishek was a skinny kid whose fastball topped off at just 82 mph. But thanks to a growth spurt and some seasoning through college, Cishek now breaks the radar gun at 95 mph with a nasty fastball that gives opposing hitters the hives. Stepping in as the closer late in 2012, Cishek proved that Marlins fans need not worry about at least one position. The six-foot-six gangly heat thrower converted 13 of 14 save opportunities over the season's final three months, allowing opposing batters to hit a paltry .183 average with runners in scoring position during that time. Cishek was also the lone bright spot for the monumentally disappointing Team USA during this year's World Baseball Classic. So playing with a losing team and having success should be nothing new to him. The Marlins have plenty of problems going forward, but the closer ain't one. That is, of course, until they decide to trade Cishek for another crop of no-names.

The Florida Panthers have been an absolute mess. Injuries, bad breaks, and poor play have made the most irrelevant of all local pro teams fade even deeper into the ether. However, if there were ever a reason to start paying attention to the Cats and start readying that bandwagon, it's their goal-scoring, point-amassing, defense-obliterating rookie sensation Jonathan Huberdeau. The Panthers selected Huberdeau third overall in the 2011 NHL draft (one of the benefits of being consistently stinky!), and the results have been pretty consistently kick-ass from the word "go." In his first year with the minor-league Sea Dogs, Huberdeau scored 15 goals and added 20 assists for 35 points in 61 games. In 2011, he led all scorers at the Memorial Cup (the Canadian junior-league championship), signaling he was more than ready to throw down with the big boys. Huberdeau is a virtuoso with a hockey stick in his hands. He can finesse a pinpoint-accurate pass one minute and turn a puck into a lethal heat-seeking missile that annihilates hockey nets the next. In his first pro season with a depleted Panthers team, Huberdeau has been a star. He leads all NHL rookies in points and is a virtual shoo-in for the Calder Trophy, the award given to the league's best rookie. The Panthers are still stuck in the muck of mediocrity. But their future is certainly bright with Jonathan Huberdeau setting fire to the NHL ice with his awesomeness.

Florida Atlantic University baseball finished atop the Sun Belt Conference in 2012, and if the major baseball analysts and experts from Baseball America and Perfect Game USA are to be believed, the Owls are poised to repeat that feat this year. Better yet, they have an excellent chance at hitting up the NCAA tournament, where they can test their mettle against the big boys. A huge part of their success comes from their six-foot-five, dart-throwing southpaw, Austin Gomber. Gomber started nine conference games in 2012 for the Owls, posting a 3.82 ERA and mowing down 63 batters in the process. He also led FAU to a three-game sweep against rival Florida International University when he pitched a six-inning, ten-strikeout gem against the Golden Panthers. This season, Gomber has led FAU back atop the standings, where he's enjoyed a stretch of retiring 14 consecutive batters while continuing his dominance over FIU with an eight-strikeout performance earlier in the season. FAU baseball is ready to make some noise and wreck some butts in the NCAA baseball landscape, and Gomber will be leading the way with his flamethrower arm.

Quiet Waters plays host to the annual, tremendously popular Renaissance Festival. The park has its own ski rixen — which, if you're unfamiliar, is like wakeboarding minus the expensive boat — as well as a marina where you can rent boats. Splash Adventure is a children's "water playground," open seasonally within the park. The best part about Quiet Waters, though, is more the quiet than the water. With 430 acres to roam around in, you actually feel like you're out in nature in the middle of Deerfield's urban landscape along Powerline Road, and there are plenty of campgrounds. You can rent bicycles and pavilions, platform tents and teepees. There are also basketball courts and one of the few mountain bike trails to be found, built up with boardwalk-type ramps and maintained by park volunteers. There is nothing you could hope to find in a park that you won't find in Quiet Waters.

Yeah, alligators are pretty badass, but there's more to Florida's flora and fauna than those leathery, prehistoric beasts. The trails at Cypress Creek offer a glimpse into seven of the state's ecosystems that are home to an array of creatures both great and small. Step over bobcat and deer tracks as you amble through an oak and pine canopy before wandering past Sandhill cranes and purple gallinules chilling in a marshy flatland. Routes are well-suited for beginners but varied enough to hold a veteran hiker's attention. The 2,000-plus acres — much of which was acquired and rehabbed by the county in the past 15 years or so — are blissfully underused. That said, don't be shocked if one of those gators (or a snake or two) crosses your path at some point in the journey. Parking and entrance are located north of Indiantown Road, about one mile west of Florida's Turnpike.

Looking for a killer place to launch a kayak? Go west, young man. It seems counterintuitive, yes, but the region's inland rivers, lakes, and streams are among the most beautiful bodies of water you're likely to encounter. An outing at Riverbend can be tailored to suit your style. An early riser who prefers solitude and a quiet paddle? Travel into the park's interior to explore the sloughs and lagoons that are home to a menagerie of alligators, mammals, wading birds, and fish. Looking for more of a party-on-the-water vibe? Follow the crowd out of the park proper and onto the Loxahatchee River, where you'll find eight or so miles of cypress-shaded twists and turns. Technically speaking, alcohol is prohibited, but the gators won't tattle if you crack a barley water or two, so long as you don't leave the cans behind. Daily rentals of single and tandem kayaks are available for reasonable rates at Canoe Outfitters of Florida, Riverbend's designated, on-premises livery.    

In between the bustling beachfronts of Fort Lauderdale and Miami is a sunny coziness to be discovered by joggers, diners, and amateur sand-castle architects (and the people who love them). The Hollywood Beach Broadwalk is a 2.5-mile stretch of mellowness, featuring a brick-paved pedestrian sidewalk bordered by the sandy beach on one side and an array of charming restaurants, cafés, shops, and inns on the other. The Broadwalk also features three oceanfront parks with playgrounds, a weekly produce market, and free performances at the Hollywood Beach Theater most nights. Park your car for the day and allow the free trolley to move you and the family up and down the Broadwalk and over to the lovely downtown area as well. There's lots to discover here and absolutely no hurry to do so.

A snorkel session along the jetty at Red Reef Park will remind any South Florida resident or visitor that it is absurd to associate glowing tropical fish and swaying coral with a desktop screen saver rather than the eye-popping live experience. Especially since this precious Boca Raton spot makes the underwater world of eels, seahorses, brain coral, and clownfish so easily available. All a curious mammal has to do is strap on a dive mask and wade in from the beach. In an instant, the noisy reality of I-95, office cubicles, and endless chatter vanishes and one is floating in a luminous dream. After a spectacular snorkel, a picnic at one of the park's pavilions is a nice way to gradually reenter the world of gravity and traffic lights. The parking fee of $16 to $18 is a small price to pay for such a therapeutic excursion.

This vista is positioned just right, so that an early-evening bike ride down A1A will bring you to the highest bridge in South Florida shortly after the road breaks away from the coastline, snaking its way west. If you time it right, arriving just as the Intracoastal Waterway below begins to mirror the fiery hues of the sky above, an end-of-day calm seems to come over all that is within your elevated view of Fort Lauderdale. A contemplative moment is to be expected. If you've brought a date, a kiss may earn you beeps from passing traffic (bonus!).

While bagpipers march down the street

The people get light on their feet

All decked out in green

A ridiculous scene

The sights on this day can't be beat!

Your pal from the Midwest just rolled into town, and sun, sand, and surf are tops on his agenda. These are three attainable demands that can be met at a multitude of tourist traps, which your visitor will leave with a hearty sunburn and an assortment of T-shirts with cheesy slogans. Instead of opting for the predictable sights he's seen a million times on brochures, give your visitor a South Floridian slice-of-life experience. The newly remodeled 976-foot International Deerfield Beach Fishing Pier offers genuine Floridian charm. If you haven't been to the pier since its $5 million overhaul, you will be damned impressed too. With its new blue and crystal-white hue, it glistens against the blue of the Atlantic Ocean most majestically. If the guest is an early bird, go just before sunrise, walk the distance to the end of the pier, and marvel at the stunning sunrise that materializes before your eyes. At only $1 for sightseers ($4 for fishermen), it's one of the cheapest yet most stunning sights around. Afterward, grab some towels and a few beach chairs and sprawl out in Deerfield Beach's pristine sand — the cleanest and most expansive beach Broward County has to offer.

A journey into the country's "largest subtropical wilderness" shouldn't be this easy, but it is. Just an hour or so on Florida's Turnpike, and city dwellers are face-to-face with the legendary River of Grass. Hearty types can kayak, canoe, or camp overnight in the primordial soup, but there's plenty to satiate the casual day-tripper. The Anhinga Trail, just minutes inside of the 1.5-million-acre park, is a breeze to navigate. Nothing but paved paths and elevated boardwalks. Oh, and a shitload of alligators and prehistoric-looking birds. Drive deeper into the park — the crowd wanes with every passing mile — until you reach the pink Flamingo Visitor Center overlooking Florida Bay. Have a picnic in view of an active osprey nest, and scout the marina for manatees and sightings of the rare American crocodile. The cost for entry is $10 per vehicle and a little bit of driving, but the experience is beyond compare.

A quiet summertime staycation is the new panacea. The year is grinding, the job is steadily turning your brain to mincemeat, and life in general won't stop screeching like a banshee on steroids. You need to get the hell out of Dodge before you strangle Kenny from accounts. Yet there's no need to over-do a quick weekend getaway. Not when ocean breezes and cloudless blue skies are here for the taking on a daily basis. That's why you can just clip it northbound to Deerfield Beach and book yourself a stay at the Embassy Suites Resort & Spa. It's a beachfront hotel without the usual insane prices you'd pay in other parts of our fine state. (OK, it may cost you $220 a night, but you haven't paid for any plane tickets, bro!) Here you're just a short walk to the beach and to the area's many restaurants. Don't feel like leaving the building? That's cool too. The hotel features a bar with a daily Manager's Cocktail Hour and good eats as well. And no matter what room you choose — an ocean view or an oceanfront — you'll be greeted by the hushed sounds of the waves washing ashore through your balcony window. Order breakfast (or wake up early enough to grab some of their delicious buffet) and eat out on the balcony overlooking the crystalline ocean and auburn sand below. Just a short drive away, the Embassy Suites Deerfield Beach Resort & Spa sits in the middle of quiet nowhere. And that's exactly where you want to be during your time off.

Let's be honest: Nothing gets the ticker hammering like a peek at some skin. And since 1965, Sunsport Gardens has been offering the region an affordable smorgasbord of private parts and secret crevices — all in a family setting! Billing itself as a "Family Nudist Resort," Sunsport is all the way out in Loxahatchee, far from the prying eyes of all those assholes who made you feel fat in the high school locker room after gym class ("Stop sucking it in, Tubs!"). At Sunsport, you can find the same activities you'd see at summer camp, just with more T&A. There are daily events like yoga and volleyball, a full pool (preshowering is required), square dancing, and rental cabins and campers. Plus, most important, the vibe is judgment-free. So if you're looking for something new to jump-start your social life, a new thrill for a thrifty budget, Sunsport is a good option. Your first visit to the resort is on the house, so why not let your... er... hair down and enjoy? You don't have to suck it in this time, Tubs.

This is not a thrill of the heart-pounding kind but a titillation of the gastronomical variety. Fort Lauderdale's farm-to-table eatery Market 17's dining-in-the-dark experience takes patrons' palates on sensational sensory escapes. We are talking about an eight-course meal served in complete and utter darkness, where your waiter brings your meals with the aid of night-vision goggles. With the lights turned off, your remaining senses reach a Viagra-level type of arousal. Each delicate aroma will seem more potently fragrant, and every spice and seasoning will scintillate your fervid taste buds. Without the aid of silverware — which is rendered useless without the assistance of vision — your fingers become the primary eating utensils. Eating with your bare hands may sound a bit bestial, but it is also quite carnal at the same time. Never will consuming a piece of celery seem as sensual as it does in these conditions. Reaching for your glass of Riesling will be a dodgy proposition, but you'll soon discover it is paired perfectly with what could be a piece of garlic shrimp in front of you. At $188 per person with wine pairing ($135 without), eating in total darkness is a lavish luxury reserved for the foodie with extra funds. Steep in price though it may be, it offers a culinary rush like no other.

Getting stoned inside your own home or a friend's is not only boring; it's un-American. What's a chronicface to do? Waiting for the next show at the Cruzan is time-consuming and inconvenient. And how many Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon laser light shows can one person take in a lifetime? We need to take things outside, under the canopy of an entrancing South Florida summer sky. What better way to get ripped than by being in the wilds around Alligator Alley? Head up the I-75 to Naples at night, wait for the lights of the city to dim in the horizon behind you, pull over, and proceed to get yourself toasted. There isn't a clearer view of the stars and constellations than on this road, which means you can contemplate the vastness of the universe while theorizing about how we're all just, like, a speck of dirt in the fingernail of a massive deity, man. Steer clear of rest stops (for obvious "Fuzz" reasons), and make sure to completely come down from floating before you head back home. And if you should spot a rare Florida panther out there, count that as a bonus. Just don't attempt to high-five it or anything. Getting Chonged responsibly is always the name of the game.

Discover how elegant a pee-stop can be by valet-parking your car out front, only to relieve yourself within the immaculate facilities of this polished cathedral of commerce before calling for your chariot to be brought back around so you may continue on your way, grinning.

Live around here long enough and you'll hear all the urban legends: That Al Capone kidnapped an Italian opera star and kept her hostage in Deerfield. (Supposedly true.) That Al Pacino used to hang out at the Yankee Clipper (Definitely true: See Analyze This.) That during a full moon, the ghost of Farrah Fawcett, in her famous red swimsuit, hovers over the Fort Lauderdale house she once shared with Lee Majors. (Just saying, look up on a clear night!) Another amazing fact that is passed around in whispers is that, of the more than 3,700 Marriott hotels in 74 countries worldwide, the unpretentious, family-friendly Marriott Harbor Beach is the one that "Mr. Marriott" prefers. That's largely because of the centerpiece pool — surrounded by fake rocks and waterfalls and big enough to accommodate guests from all of the hotel's 618 rooms. (Bless that towel staff.) It's open only to registered users of the hotel, but hey — this place just screams "staycation." Little ones can be dispatched to the kids' club or watersports so you can get crackin' on sampling drinks with seamless service from the tiki bar (or free cookies and lemonade). If you wake up early on a lucky summer day, you might find sea turtles hatching on the edge of the property. Until then... Can-non — baaaaaaaaaaallll!!

You'll have to carry your board half a mile, because after you wind through the Harbor Beach neighborhood and snag one of just eight or so public parking spots on South Ocean Drive, walk another block to the tiny gate on South Ocean Lane that lets you onto an almost-secret stretch of public beach beside the Point of Americas condominium. After that, you still have to walk down a sandy corridor to get to the wide-open beach. Don't go straight into the water; turn hard right and climb over the big giant rocks that make up the jetty and into the (very busy!) inlet where boats travel in and out of Fort Lauderdale. This spot is decidedly not for groms, because the waves you will be catching are not just waves that break only when the occasional southeast swell hits just so but also waves created by giant cruise ships and massive freighters moving in and out of the port. Yet for the exceptionally skilled few who can hack it, there are no urban thrills more exciting than dropping in on the wake of a 225,000-ton Oasis of the Seas — it's like coming thiiiis close to getting run over by a $1.4 billion, 16-story, 6,000-passenger hotel. And yes, if the marine patrol sees you, you're in trouble.

Mario St. Cyr was the first guy to open a stand-up paddleboard business in Fort Lauderdale when he ran Paddles and Boards, parking his trailer right there on Sunrise Boulevard at George English Park, where it was easy to push off into the calm Intracoastal Waterway and commune with manatees and superyachts. Paddlers loved that Mario was ultrafriendly, didn't charge an arm and a leg and an internal organ, and didn't overcomplicate the sport so he could upsell you overpriced lessons. (Newsflash: It's really not complicated to stand up, balance, and paddle.) But after many competitors got into the game and undercut him by not having insurance, St. Cyr decided to get out of the seven-day-a-week rentals and reignite his real estate business. Which left him time and spirit to start a paddleboarding charity! Now St. Cyr, who once taught skiing to underprivileged kids, rents boards by appointment ($40 to $45 for all-day rental with free introductory lesson or $200 for a two-hour private lesson), and is focused on group events — like offering paddleboarding to kids who would otherwise never get the chance to try it and hosting fundraisers like Stand-Up for the Pets (paddle with your dog onboard and raise funds for spay and neuter programs). Even with these new initiatives, St. Cyr manages to offer semiregular paddleboarding lessons to Fort Lauderdale residents at the low, low cost of absolutely free! Next dates are June 22 and July 13 — get on that!