Audio By Carbonatix
Word on the street — a dirty, dark street, crawling with hairy-palmed mouthbreathers — is that Mariah Carey’s ’bout to stick a bitch over a mad coveted seat on American Idol. The female who needs to watch her back is none other than the baddest bitch since Da Baddest Bitch: Nicki Minaj.
The flailing pop culture institution (now in its third or fourth round of phlegm-soaked death cries) is still balancing a number of variables: Does the show need more male judges? Can Middle America hang with that many black folks on American Idol? But it does appears that, right now, Lil Wayne’s favorite freaky-deaky Barbie is the frontrunner for the open slot. And Mariah is pissed!
The question we now ask you is: Who do you think should become the next judge on American Idol? Click the jump to cast your vote.
Name: Nicki Minaj
Known Aliases: The Harajuku Barbie, Barbie Bitch, Nicki Lewinski, Nice Nipples Nick, The Ninja, The Mistress
Affiliations: Cash Money/Young Money (Birdman, Lil’ Wayne, Drake, et al.), Gucci Mane, Eminem
Claim to Fame: Nicki Minaj is “the female Weezy” and then some, infusing her linear, linguistically cunning rhymes with the sting of raw, ghetto-fab schizophrenia. And she can sing without auto-tune. And then there’s this.
VERSUS
Name: Mariah fucking CareyKnown Aliases: MimiAffiliations: Nick Cannon, Puff Daddy, Ol’ Dirty Bastard (R.I.P.)Claim to Fame: In addition to recording some of the most important pop music of the 1990s (or ever), Mariah Carey can also sing in a pitch once thought to be accessible only to dolphins.
