From: [email protected]
Subject: FrEe p1asTic suRgery! N0 pre5cr1ption neEded!
As a practicing physician with an ear (and knife) for pop culture, I'd like to offer my professional advice: It's time you consider a little image enhancement. Actually, you need reconstructive surgery. In layman's terms, you're spent.
But take a chill pill (I'll send a scrip for the good stuff) -- I'm not sayin' you need Botox or a butt lift. I'm simply referring you to the book Art of Modern Rock, Paul Grushkin and Dennis King's collection of rock concert posters by Derek Hess, Chuck Sperry, Scrojo, Firehouse, and vial-loads of other cutting-edge graphics gurus that your condition prevents you from checking out.
However, there may be one artist you're familiar with: Fort Lauderdale's Chuck Loose, known to the local rocknoscenti as Snap-E-Chuck. Unless you've been confined to a hospital bed for the past several years, you've seen his work. Loose's visually striking, mixed-media posters have lined the walls of local record stores and rock clubs for as long as I've been in practice, catching viewers' eyes more quickly than conjunctivitis on a public telescope. And his patient, er, client list is pretty impressive too -- how would you like working for Slayer, Ozzy, Iggy, and Kid Rock? (Imagine being Ozzy's physician; it's the gift that keeps on giving).
Listen to your doctor. Andy Warhol's pop art stature only improved by hooking up with the Velvet Underground (even if the band was a pharmacologist's nightmare). And don't worry about Loose and the other rock artists performing a hack job like those damned abstractionists. Graphic artists are cosmetic surgeons; many times, they're asked to create masterpieces from hand-drawn logos and grainy, out-of-focus photographs. It's like trying to make Kelly Clarkson out of Kelly Osbourne, only more doable. And believe me, I know about trying to make celebrities doable.
Findings: A modern art scene left disfigured after several botched surgery attempts. Diagnosis: Somewhere between Michael Jackson and Axl Rose. Treatment: 492 full-color pages of pure pop culture. Visit www.artofmodernrock.com or www.snap-e-chuck.com.