| Crime |

The Guy Who Wants to Marry His Computer Is Back With Another Insane Court Filing

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

The world is filled with bitter little men who talk tough in legal filings, and Chris Sevier is a champ among them. Last month, the chronically annoying self-described "former Judge Advocate and combat veteran" tried to insert himself into a federal court case to see if Florida will acknowledge gay marriages performed elsewhere. His tongue-in-cheek argument: Damn, if we're going to let the gays marry, why can't I marry my "porn filled Apple computer?"

Judge Robert Hinkle rightfully flushed his request and ordered Sevier to go back to his porn stash while the adults discuss serious business. Sevier didn't like that. He particularly, it seems, didn't like that his request was called "satirical" and "removed from reality." This week he filed another motion with the court for reconsideration.

In the new filing, Sevier, who is a lawyer, rambles all over the place, discusses how Muslims had a hand in the Holocaust, defends the Duck Dynasty guy, and generally shoots his witless, mouth-foaming haterade in every possible direction.

Once again, Sevier claims he is writing from the "ironic" perspective that he's actually for the plaintiffs in the case, pushing for marriage equality for all. This includes his own wish to marry the porn-stocked computer. I imagine him sitting in a studio apartment off a highway somewhere, laughing to himself about how witty and smart the whole thing is. It isn't, particularly when you're dropping nuggets of insanity like this into the public record:

"I am pretty sure that the chance of catching aids [sic] from having sex with a machine is less than a man having sex with a man in the bathroom of a rest stop," Sevier writes, before adding, in reference to two plaintiffs in the case: "Critically, the Court cannot measure the desires of my heart any more than it can measure Sclairet's heartfelt desire to sexually molest Russ."

Some other choice (grammar-impaired) statements from the filing.

Islam religion is complete fraud [sic]. It requires that Muslims dominate Jews, which is why the Nazi's [sic] worked with the Muslims in launching the final solution.

If gays feel like second tier citizens... I feel like a third tier one, especially given the Court's statements in the denial. I feel entirely intimidated and stifled unjustly. Before easily accessible pornography on filterless devices that connect to the internet injected pornography into our homes and persons, the idea of "gay marriage" would have been "satirical" and "removed from reality." Just look at how we have progressed. The Court knows or should know that the pornography industry is a 95 billion dollar industry and that it is not by mistake that their [sic] are literally thousands of videos of people having sex with animals, machines, and members of a multitude of genders. These websites do not exist by accident.

It goes without saying that our founding fathers would find gay marriage request [sic] to be more removed from reality than my request...

The Plaintiffs and I hope to create a liberal bubble, where we can make up any laws that we want to fit our particular interest to make us feel less bad about our choices that the majority classify as discourageable, yielding a second tier life style.

Proponents of the gay groups celebrate that the Court threatened criminal response to my attempt to access the Courts for the same reason they promote the persecution of Christians, like Phil Robertson, Duck Commander... Such tactics makes [sic] the United States look more like North Korea, not America as it was.

As was pointed out last time we wrote about Sevier, in 2011, the Supreme Court of Tennessee decided lawyer Mark Christopher Sevier could not practice law for an indefinite period of time due to "reason of mental infirmity or illness."

Now, Chris Sevier has his right to his opinion. By all means, open up a little-trafficked Tumblr or fill up the comment section of newspaper articles. He shouldn't be cramming the court with his inane blah-blah-blahing. Florida's gay marriage case is one of the more serious issues facing the court today. Sevier's constant effort to make himself a sideshow in it is distracting. And annoying. And stupid.

The more you read this guy's thoughts, the more you see why that porn-filled computer is his only option.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.