Writing about those helpful videos would probably be useful and a little post about those horrible ones could be entertaining or mean, depending on the kind of person you are. But that would be impossible. After spending five hours on YouTube watching nothing but how-to cooking videos, the good and the God-awful all just blend together. Unfortunately, the only memorable clips from my viewing marathon were the cringe-worthy, creepy cooking videos.
For those in need of nightmare fuel, here's a list of five of the creepiest cooking videos on YouTube.
5. Richard Simmons cooking with Celine Dion on "The Rosie O'Donnell Show"
Richard Simmons can haunt your dreams all by himself. Throw in Celine Dion, a late-90s version of Rosie O'Donnell, a not-the-least-bit hilarious diarrhea joke in the first minute of Simmons' appearance and you've got yourself one painful cooking segment. This clip reaches its creepy climax when the flamboyant fitness guru busts out the lollipops.
4. "Cooking with trevista"
It looks like this kid was actually trying to create a YouTube video that was equal parts crappy and creepy at the same time. If so, congratulations are in order. It's classified as a cooking show but all our host really does is throw an orange into a jar of peanut butter in his mom's kitchen while getting way too aggressive and way too close to the camera. You'll want three minutes of your life back if you watch this video, so hit play with caution.
2. "The Prize I won for Best Cooking Video"
The host of this creeptastic clip claims to have won a prize for one of her previous cooking videos. The prize they gave her was a box of chocolates. The prize she gives us is a big ass box of nightmare fuel.
1. "How to make Iced Tea"
This is the Citizen Kane of creepy cooking videos and Steve Sutton is Orson Welles. You can find mentions of Sutton and his creepy videos dating back as far as 2006. If you haven't watched this in a while, trust me, it aged well. It will still creep you the hell out. It's "How do I get a restraining order against this guy I've never met before?" creepy.
Five hours of YouTube viewing is just scratching the creepy surface. There's got to be more cringe-worthy cooking videos out there. If you know of any, please share them in the comments below.