I'm Eating What?! Kinder Happy Hippo Biscuits | Clean Plate Charlie | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Ethical Eating

I'm Eating What?! Kinder Happy Hippo Biscuits

Who can resist eating a hippo when hunger strikes? Fortunately Kinder found a way to stuff five individually wrapped Happy Hippo Biscuits into a box for our snacking enjoyment.

The "cocoa cream" version looked the most appealing, but the cashier recommended that I choose the hazelnut variety instead. Actually, the flavor was "milk and hazelnut." And, sure as day, the packaging is decorated with a rendering of not only the front of a hippo but also its chopped off backside, along with two hazelnuts, leaves, and a charming yellow flower, alongside a pitcher of milk. It was a weird medley of images for sure, but I was charmed nonetheless. 


The sprinkles coating the bottom half of the creature (which, I presumed, were white chocolate) were a bit odd visually, since they made the hippo appear as if it had been wading in a pool of crack. The box described it as "tasty meringue coating." Hmmm. A thoroughly illustrated breakdown of the rest of the snack was also provided on the packaging's backside, including the creature's "crispy wafer biscuit" skin, half-white "milky creamy filling," and half caramel-colored "hazelnut creamy filling." Guess they really use real milk over there at Kinder, since the product was stamped with an expiration date too.

"No artificial colors, no artificial preservatives, no hydrogenated fats," the packaging also announced. Good to know, since I only pick up confections that are healthful. (Sense the sarcasm?) 

Though it would've been tempting to devour a life-sized hippo treat, these critters were about the size of a ring finger each. Truthfully, it was difficult to eat only one, as this was a totally satisfying snack: creamy, sweet, crunchy, and cute to boot. (Who's the hungry hippo now, huh?)

Who should eat this? Adults who want to feel like kids, kids who deserve enough sugar to keep them fueled for a few hours solid, and anyone who isn't opposed to chomping on an herbivorous mammal or two. 

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Riki Altman