In Honor of "Eat All Your Veggies Day" (Today): What Not to Say to a Vegetarian

Today is "Eat All Your Veggies Day," a food holiday that seems like something cooked up by scrappy British foodvangelist Jamie Oliver but is actually quite real -- or as real as any of the hundreds of hyperspecific food holidays in existence.

In honor of this healthy departure from the usual (completely awesome) celebrations of things like apple strudel (also honored today), it seems fitting to assemble a cheat sheet on how to peacefully celebrate this holiday with your veggie friends. Below are seven things to never say to a vegetarian -- unless, of course, you are sick as hell of him/her:

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

7. "Sweet Ted Nugent tattoo, dude!" -- Said while leaning in to look at a friend's new ink of Gaia, the Greek goddess of the Earth.

6. "Uggggggggggh. How do you live? I just don't know how people live without meat. I would kill myself. " -- There is no reasonable response to someone telling you to off yourself because you can't eat a steak-and-cheddar Hot Pocket.  

5. "So, you don't eat any meat?" -- Punctuated by a smarmy eyebrow raise and a creepy lean-in.

4. "It's really unhealthy not to eat meat." -- Said around mouthfuls of a KFC Famous Bowl.

3. "Maybe you just haven't tried the right kind of sausage." -- See item No. 5

2. "Happy birthday! It's a boxed set of TLC's Sarah Palin's Alaska." -- This phrase may or may not also apply to omnivores.

1. "Are you one of those vegetarians who's really sanctimonious and always preaching at other people about how they should eat?" -- To be followed by a painfully dull ten-minute lecture about how humans are hard-wired to consume meat and the fallacy of tofu, all in response to someone quietly ordering a caesar salad without chicken.

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.