| Rants |

Top Chef Masters Recap: Gael Greene Slept With Elvis (And a Proposal)

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The cheftestants walk into the kitchen and see headphones, a blindfold, and a nose plug. This could only mean one thing - a late night of partying with the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. (wait - it's not?) OK, then the blindfold means that the cheftestants need to identify flavors by only one sense.


The first round is taste. The cheftestants have to put on their masks, earphones and nose plugs. They have one minute to identify the following: water chestnuts, Worcestershire sauce, papaya, cashews, and mustard grape.

Floyd identified none correctly and he's out of the competition.

We move on to smell with Epoisses cheese, hot sauce, root beer, rice vinegar, and mayonnaise. Traci got none right so she's out. Now touch with okra, gummy bears, Arborio rice, chayote , and blackberries.

Celina and Naomi are out. Hugh and Mary Sue are the two left in the quickfire.

We've got sound with Rice Krispies and milk, breaking celery, eating potato chips, shucking an oyster and buttering toast.

Hugh says he hears only compliments not complaints - love him.

Hugh wins the quickfire, but sadly I have to report that neither contestant identified the Rice Krispies sound. Really?


Top Chef Masters is going to have a date night. Chris is going to propose to his girlfriend. If you've never heard of Chris before, that's because he's a regular guy. By the way - how do they find these regular people?

The cheftestants will have to make a dish based on Chris and his fiancée Victoria's life story (you're kidding, right). Chris says that he and Victoria were friends first. Their favorite moment was seeing a movie marquee that said j'taime. Then he gave Victoria a bracelet that said j'taime. They also like beer, hockey and pretzels. By the way, by the pictures he's passing around, Victoria looks smoking hot and Chris looks like Bill Gates.

Hugh said that made him want to throw up a little in his mouth. Mary Sue says that if he's never had clams or mussels he's not ready to get married - get it?

The cheftestants shop at whole foods. Hugh goes to the meat section because Chris and Victoria like beef and broccoli and onion rings. Hugh says that the bracelet that Chris gave Victoria wasn't edible but his onion rings are. Not sure that women would rather eat their jewelry, but whatever.

The cheftestants get back to the kitchen. Mary had to clean all the mussels and clams and get the beards off the mussels. Floyd is making kama sutra shrimp. Traci is having problems. She's trying to bake and apparently is measuring wrong and blaming it on the equipment. Mary sue cuts off the tip of her thumb, proceeds to throw the piece of flesh in the trash, have a paramedic wrap it and she's back in business. That's a pro!

Curtis Stone walks into the kitchen and says he's going to bring Chris and Victoria's moms in to the wine room to watch the proposal secretly. Which, to me is a little creepy.

Gail Simmons and Curtis Stone are on a date and Gael Greene and James Oseland are on a date. Which in and of itself is totally creepy.

The cheftestants make:

Floyd - Kama Sutra shrimp with watermelon. The shrimp's spices are aggressive, but the shrimp are cooked in a sexy position which we'll just say reminds one of the math equation 70-1=

Celina - Pretzel with pale ale cheese sauce and salad. Because that goes together.

Mary Sue - Mussels and clams Portuguese style with crouton. Because a guy's gotta learn to like the shellfish if he's going to be a good husband.

Naomi - Porcini braised chicken thigh. James says its not romantic but the couple like it.

Hugh - Strip steak with broccoli and onion rings.

Traci - Apple galette with j'taime written in chocolate.

Over dinner James asks Gael about her affair with Elvis. Sometimes I totally forget that Gael Greene was a hottie that slept her way around Hollywood and wrote a tell-all. Gael says she had an hour with Elvis, not a affair. She says when she left his bedroom he asked her to call room service and order him a sandwich. Thanks for the visual, Gael.

Chris proposes and Hugh says if she says no this is going to be the most awkward moment in history. But she says yes. Everyone is crying including James Oseland. Everyone toasts to the couple. Very Cute. Now someone has to go home.

Judge's Table

Naomi, Mary Sue, and Floyd are called in to Judges Table. Their dishes are the favorites. Gael says that she liked that the shrimp were hugging each other and James said he thought they were doing something worse. The winner is Naomi.

Hugh, Traci, and Celina are called in to the Judges table. They're the least favorite dishes. Gail says the pretzel was pretty great nut there was a disconnect between the pretzel and salad. She also said the apple galette was missing something and that it was too dry. James agrees. James said Hugh's meat was too chewy. Hugh said that he was cooking down to the crowd. James says that its never a good idea to cook down to your guests and Hugh did that. Celina gets sent home for her pretzel.

Next time - cooking for am edible science fair.

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.


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