All 38 Cities in Palm Beach County, Ranked From Worst to Best

Hello, Palm Beach County.EXPAND
Hello, Palm Beach County.
Photo by WPPilot via Wikipedia Commons

Palm Beach County is massive.

Housing more than a million people, it's the third most populous county in Florida. It spreads from the beautiful beaches of the east coast all the way to the shores of Lake Okeechobee.

And it has been keeping Botox in business since the '80s.

Join us now as we carefully examine the innards of this county and decide once and for all what's the best and what's the worst.

See also: All 30 Cities in Broward County, Ranked From Worst to Best

38. South Bay

Pro: It's near Lake Okeechobee, and there's a nice scenic trail and campground.

Con: The most happening place in tiny South Bay (population 3,859) is the not-so-tiny South Bay Correctional Institution (max capacity 1,948).

Bottom Line: If prisoners could vote, the mayoral candidates in this town would have to win over the prisoner demographic, which would be interesting.

They like golf, and they don't care who knows.
They like golf, and they don't care who knows.
Photo via Wikipedia Commons

37. Golf

Pros: Odds are you have been to a party with more people than currently live in Golf (260 as of 2010), so your work commute resembles a zombieless free street in Walking Dead. If you find yourself in Golf, it's probably for something superfancy, because this pace is basically like living in a country club. And yes, it was founded by a golf course designer and has a golf course.

Cons: If you live in a city with 260 people, it makes it superhard to not run into everyone you went to high school with at Publix or, for that matter, to not date every person you went to high school with. Every day, you have to be reminded of the sport of golf, even if you hate it.

Bottom Line: They named a city after a sport; that's weird. Nobody lives in Football, Florida. Golf exists, so that's cool.

36. Manalapan

Pros: Manalapan is technically not a town. It's a stretch of plantation some obscure president gave one of his good-time buddies as a gift back in the 1800s. Besides its opulent homes, Manalapan is mostly known for an old 1950s murder mystery involving the disappearance of a circuit judge who was later found murdered along with his wife. Also, the 1981 neo-noir film Body Heat was filmed here.

Cons: Manalapan is named after a township in New Jersey, which we're convinced was done sarcastically.

Bottom Line: Manalapan definitely feels like a place found in dime-store crime pulps where the wealthy are murdered and nobody cares.

35. Briny Breezes

Pro: Briny Breezes is a coastal town of just over 400. Tiny and consisting of mostly elderly snowbirds, it's perfect for anyone looking for a simpler life or a solid location for a witness protection program.

Con: This town is too small and too old to offer anything but shuffleboard. And they're even strict about their shuffleboard! On the town's website, there is a list of rules that declare "No one shall play in bare feet, open-toed shoes or topless apparel." Which is (1) a buzzkill, and (2) begs the question: Is topless shuffleboard a thing?

Bottom Line: Until they legalize topless shuffleboard, there's no reason to step foot in Briny.

34. Greenacres

Pro: Like the TV show?

Cons: No. Not like the TV show.

Bottom Line: If only it was like the TV show.

33. Mangonia Park

Pro: Another good example of Palm Beach small-town living. Just over 1,000 residents and around one square mile, it's a great place for those who just want to slow things down.

Con: When the residents of Mangonia Park decided to incorporate, they petioned the State of Florida and asked for the name "Magnolia Park." The State of Florida wrote back with good news and bad news. Good news: The town could incorporate! Bad news: The name "Magnolia Park" was already taken, so the town would be stuck with "Mangonia Park." Things were off to a bad start from the very beginning.

Bottom Line: It's so small it could fit into most overhead compartments. If you like towns the size of a high school, it's for you.

32. Hypoluxo

Pro: Halfway between West Palm Beach and Boca, this town of around 2,000 is a close-knit community. Each month, the mayor writes a letter to his people and posts it on the town website. No one's told him about social media yet.

Con: Hypoluxo has small-town charm, but it will never offer the culture or nightlife scenes of its neighbors Boca and West Palm.

Bottom Line: Hey, if small-town charm and communicative mayors are your thing, you might just like settling down in Hypoluxo.

31. Highland Beach

Pros: Beach living with the 1 percenters.

Cons: If you don't have a trust fund or fake boobs, good luck getting in.

Bottom Line: Palm Beach has indiscriminate spreads of beachfront clogged with prefab McMansions like Broward has indiscriminate spreads of chain-store-choked suburban sprawl. Case in point: Highland Beach.

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