With the news that Allen West has given up his fight after he demanded a recount and then saw that his opponent got even more votes as a result of that recount and therefore conceded, we're happy but also sad.
West's defeat is a win for America because, holy crap, was that dude nuts.
But West's defeat is a loss for political jokesters like us. Of course, the GOPers are never in short supply of nutters who say and do crazy things, so we'll be fine.
Still, Allen West was a once-in-a-generation loonball. And he happened to be right in our own backyard.
But because it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday, we're sending him off as only we know how: by counting down the craziest shit he said while in office!
Here's part one of our two-part series:
5. People With "Coexist" bumper stickers want to "Give Away Our Country"
West doesn't want the Coexist bumper stickers (the ones with the symbols of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and other religions on it) littering the roads and giving away who we are as a country. Because bumper stickers about tolerance is evil!
"Every time I see one of those bumper stickers, I look at the person inside that is driving. Because that person represents something that would give away our country. Would give away who we are, our rights and freedoms and liberties, because they are afraid to stand up and confront that which is the antithesis, anathema of who we are. The liberties that we want to enjoy."
4. "George Bush got snookered into going into some mosque, taking his shoes off, and then saying that Islam was a religion of peace."
In the same town-hall speech where West warned us of our impending doom because of bumper stickers, he went on to call Islam a "totalitarian theocratic political ideology." He also said it wasn't a religion. But, most important, he wanted to make it clear that President George W. Bush was FOOLED into calling Islam a religion of peace.
3. "Women have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness."
At a Women Impacting Nation (WIN) meeting in Boca Raton in 2011, West reminded people that WIN's mission was to "educate and equip women with knowledge of God's truth," which apparently includes doing womanly things like keeping their yaps shut and cooking their man's dinner and stop trying to be all equally and stuff. Also, the lack of women knowing their place was the reason the debt grew and deficits were through the roof. Way to go, women! NOW COOK ME THAT STEAK!
"These planned Parenthood women, the Code Pink women, and all of these women that have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness -- to let them know that we are not going to have our men become subservient. That's what we need you to do. Because if you don't, then the debt will continue to grow... deficits will continue to grow."
2. "[The Democratic Party] is a plantation"
In August of 2011, West went on the O'Reilly Factor and revealed that the Democratic Party was nothing but a plantation and that he was the modern-day Harriet Tubman leading people on his own personal Underground Railroad. And people like Maxine Waters, Al Sharpton, and Barbara Lee were plantation bosses.
Allen West is Django!
"You have this 21st-century plantation that has been out there, where the Democrat Party has forever taken the black vote for granted. And you have established certain black leaders, who are nothing more than the overseers of that plantation. And now the people on that plantation are upset, because they have been disregarded, disrespected, and their concerns are not cared about. So I'm here as the modern-day Harriet Tubman, to kind of lead people on the Underground Railroad, away from that plantation into a sense of sensibility."
1. "Let them get shot at a few times and maybe they'd have a different opinion."
In May of 2011, with Osama Bin Laden dead, the House was voting for an end to the war in Afghanistan with a bipartisan amendment that would pressure the president to come up with a deadline. But West ain't liked that, so he decided the best way to get those members of the House who voted for the amendment was to take them to Afghanistan so that the Taliban could shoot them until they changed their minds because 'MURICA.
"Just because you kill Osama bin Laden does not mean that the Taliban has stopped fighting. I would take these gentlemen over and let them get shot at a few times and maybe they'd have a different opinion."
These comments, by the way, were made just months after Rep. Gabby Giffords had been shot.
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