Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst

Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst
Mate Airman Brad Garner via Wikipedia Commons

The 2014 Miami Dolphins season is well underway! And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and list reasons why the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't. Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all the NFL.

This week, the 3-3 Dolphins are set to play the Jaguars on Sunday at EverBank Field in Jacksonville.

See also: Nine Reasons Chicago Bears Fans Are the Worst

Here are nine reasons why Jaguars fans are the worst:

9. Because of Tony Boselli

The Jacksonville Jaguars actually have a player in the College Football Hall of Fame who is also considered to be a serious candidate for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. That in and of itself is bananas to even contemplate. Mainly because Boselli was always injured. And yet this is the guy Jags fans hold up as the all-time face of the franchise: an oft-inured oaf who managed to be healthy enough when the Jaguars played the Dolphins.

He famously taunted Jason Taylor during a Monday Night game and once talked shit about number 99, which is the real reason we hate him.

Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst
Photo by MarcusObal via Wikipedia Commons

8. Because there are no actual Jaguars in Jacksonville Jacksonville has all sorts of animals and things a pro football team can name itself after: sharks, owls, alligators, pythons, rattlers, panthers, hurricanes, spiders, eagles, lightning, pickup trucks, bats, and cattle -- just to name a few. Know what Jacksonville doesn't have? FUCKING JAGUARS. Of all the things this swampland has to offer, these goobers chose to go with the one animal that literally does not exist in that town.

 

Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst

7. Because... Jacksonville! Seriously... how this swamp-ass town got a professional football team is beyond reason. Jacksonville is named after one of the biggest assholes in American history (Indian-hatin' Andrew Jackson) and has literally nothing to offer anyone not looking for a sale on light beer. Even its location is random and arbitrary, as if Andrew Jackson threw a dart at a map and said, "Wherever town this dart lands is where we'll pillage!"

Jacksonville sits in the corner of the the state like a genital wart. There's nothing particularly outstanding about Jacksonville. It's flat, it's swampy, it's filled with people who wear jorts. Also, cows. Shitloads of cows. Yet, the NFL chose this city to give a team to. Meanwhile, Los Angeles is over there going, "Seriously, NFL? What the shit???"

6. Because they yell out "Duvall!" during games

Jaguars fans also have the dumbest chant in the history of pro sports, and this includes Jets fans spelling their own team's name.

During games, Jags fans will chant, "DUUUUVALLL!!" which is the name of the county Jacksonville is in. We suppose it's better than chanting "COWWSS!" or "JORTS!!!"

Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst

5. Because their owner is a silent movie villain The Jaguars are owned by Shahid Khan, a man who has a Star Trek villain name but looks like a guy who ties damsels on railroad tracks.

4. Because all of their first-round draft pick receivers did all of the drugs

Matt Jones, Jimmy Smith, R. Jay Soward, Reggie Williams, Justin Blackmon, Ace Sanders.

All receivers the Jaguars drafted with their first-round pick.

All of them busted for either drugs or alcohol issues.

All of them forced to live and work in Jacksonville.

COINCIDENCE?

 

Nine Reasons Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are the Worst

3. Because their mascot is a moron Yeah.....

2. Because of this
1. And this

Send your story tips to the author, Chris Joseph. Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter




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