Top Five Emo-Grade Donations for Never Shout Never's Harmony Tour Food Drive | County Grind | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Top Five Emo-Grade Donations for Never Shout Never's Harmony Tour Food Drive

​Proving that emo kids care as much about people as they do their hair, Never Shout Never and the Maine are using their current tour as a way to collect lots of food for the hungry. Their goal is to collect 200 pounds of non-perishable food items at each show in order to reach a grand total of 6,000 pounds of food by the time it is all said and done. The bands ask that each attendee bring one canned food item to the show.

For when the bands hit Revolution this Sunday, we've compiled a list of emo-grade non-perishable foods. To verify the emo-ness of these items, we will give an example of a Livejournal poem which could be written about each of them. Read on, with our help, you can be fashionable and charitable.

1. Artichoke Hearts

This is a sure-fire winner (or loser, if that's more emo). The name alone sounds like an emo band.

my heart is choking
my choking heart is art
i choke

2. Canned Beets

This one doubles as a cosmetic. Try the beet juice on one of the bleached strands of your hair to achieve a purply, emo hue. Or, splatter some on your hairless chest, if you wanna be really dramatic.

in its dark, lonely can
drowning in its own dark, crimson blood
like my heart is drowning in its love for you
which is also in a can
of dark, crimson blood

3. Evaporated Milk

For the emo kid who still longs for the milk of his mother, and seeks true love to fill the void.

my love has evaporated
like Carnation brand evaporated milk
but like the milk
my love has no expiration
baby, come back
add equal parts water to my milky love
and our love will be like a Carnation
brand can of evaporated milk
in my mothers delicious pumpkin pie

4. Baked Beans

Baked Beans may be more closely associated with cookouts than tear-filled sing-a-longs, but something about their associated with hot dogs makes them weiner-ish enough to pass as emo.

baby i am just a little bean
lost in the sweet syrup of your love
tell me im not just another bean in the can
eat me a million times
digest me
and i will make you fart
like my heart farts 
brown, sugary tears
for your love

5. Canned pineapple

Broken rings of sweet, tender fruit which fall apart with the slightest kiss. Acidity burning the healing flesh of a recent lip piercing. Okay! On with the poem! Nothing non-emo about the canned pineapple.

pain apple
bitten into by your pearly white love
stained by that lip gloss you got at Hot Topic
on the day
that i lost my innocence
like Adam
when you kissed me in the middle of the mall
and i came in my skinny jeans

Never Shout Never, with The Maine. Sunday, November 7, 6 Revolution. Tickets are available for $17.50 via Ticketmaster. Visit

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Travis Newbill

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