His name is Vulture. And he has the most incredible party trick this side of that one guy who could turn water into wine.
It's called "buttwater," and while entirely infantile and moronic, this is just about the coolest and funniest thing we've seen in a looooong time.
Update: YouTube removed the original buttwater video because it evidently violated its sexual content policy, so here's a new link:
Though the video went up yesterday on YouTube, it has apparently been 15 years in the making. At college parties in and around Orlando, a man -- who now wants to go only by Vulture -- discovered a quasi-miracle. If he put a hose up his bum, he could shoot the water back out like a deranged geyser.
Was there risk involved? Of course.
But was it worth it? It was.
Luckily, Vice has already gotten the dirty on this guy. He told the magazine yesterday he started doing the trick for 15 to 20 people, but then word quickly spread of buttwater. This was a secret ability no man could keep. "Buttwater had [become a staple] at parties in Orlando," Vulture contends.
People would come "from miles" across Florida to discover what all the hoopla over buttwater was about. Vulture confessed he was surprised at what a diverse crowd buttwater could assemble.
It's "probably because their lives are boring," he said. "And they don't get to see things like buttwater."
Then again, who does?
Despite its obvious appeal, Vulture is understandably concerned that his face and name will be attached to buttwater. So whenever performing the trick, he wears a wolf mask and has strict directions: no cameras. Which explains how this has been kept a secret for so long.
"I was on very strict orders never to let this video leave my phone," Lauren Chilcote, originally from Fort Walton Beach, wrote on Facebook, referencing the above video. "But the secret's out. BUTTWATER. Yes, it's exactly what you think it is, and it's incredible."
Brian Schanck of Clearwater, who attended the party the day Chilcote shot the video, remembers buttwater well. "That day goes down in history," he recalled on Facebook. "I almost fell over laughing. Probably one of the funniest days of my life."
So there you have it, internet. You're welcome.