So what exactly does a public display of behind-the-wheel pocket hockey have to do with six murdered cows and a 911 call about a cat being denied access to a strip club (that is, besides being the mise-en-scène for your next 'shroomed out mind-movie, and you're very welcome)? Easy, all the handy work of one malicious SOB -- Florida Man.
Hammering home this point is genius new Twitter account called, simply enough, @_FloridaMan. The takeway from a quick scroll here is that all manners of perversity and soul-crushing crime end up reported in headlines as "Florida Man [FILL IN WITH SOMETHING SCREWED UP]."
As in: "Florida Man Mistakes Girlfriend For Hog, Shoots Her."
And the ever popular: "Florida Man Suspected Of Robbing Domino's Pizza Found Hiding Inside Bathroom Cabinet."
And of course this one, a favorite with the vegans: "Florida Man Shoots And Kills Roommate Over Pork Chop."
Hey, let's not forget the now-classic: "Florida Man Attacks Three Women With Sword And Peanut Butter Sandwich."
The account bills itself as "Real-life headlines about the world's worst superhero." We've tried reaching out to the mind manning the account's controls, but we've only gotten back radio silence from the other end. Whoever is behind it, he or she is keeping diligent track of the state at its glorious, sun-bleached batshit bottom.
And the handle is catching fire, a new go-to for all your tropic insanity needs. Just the other day, we noticed the account was hovering at around 10,000 followers. As of Wednesday afternoon, that count has jumped to 28,008. Gawker has also tossed in a nod.