Breastaurant Playlist: Songs About Boobies
Yum! No substitutions please!
Breastaurants are not new. Marrying the appeal of breasts with suds and grilled meats dates back to the dawn of man. Organized versions of this traditional method of consumption can probably be traced back to the early '80s and the introduction of the Hooters franchise. And while that franchise has largely shunned the remarkably awesome tackiness of its past, two relatively younger franchises will be opening in our backyard soon to pick up the slack.
Described as a Scottish version of Hooters, the Tilted Kilt promises traditional Scottish fare like mozzarella sticks and nachos, anachronisms that will surely be ignored by the reflected lighting on supple female flesh. The spicy chipotle chicken at the other newcomer, the Twin Peaks restaurant is closer to truth in advertisement... don't expect Audrey Horne twisting anything in her mouth here, but expect a lot of wood chopped with those lumber-gal outfits.
But County Grind is not here to judge the foodstuffs; County Grind is here to cater to music lovers, and since these breastaurants will be bringing back that nostalgic Hooters feeling to the neighborhood, we dedicate a short playlist to them.
On a related note, let's not forget what the great Lee Ving said on Fear's Live... For the Record album: "Some are big and some are small, but we've never seen a pair we did not like."
8. Lene Alexandra - "My Boobs Are OK"
Are your boobs OK because (a) you don't have breast cancer, (b) somebody else paid for them or (c) they defy, well, everything?
7. Sir Mix-a-Lot - "Put 'em on the Glass"
Sir Mix-a-Lot will always be known for his healthy love of female posteriors. That can not be denied. With this track, he swam into the then-uncharted territory of boobie love. The result is a mix between a 1980s hip-hop party and the audience at a Wendy Williams show taping.
6. Hombres G - "Una Mujer de Bandera"
Here are Spain's preeminent new wavers, Hombres G , and their classic 1987 song about loving women and the torture that brought on during warm Iberic summers. It's here for the brash claim that they love "those muscles in the tits." These guys like ladies who work out.
5. Pharoahe Monch - "Simon Says"
From Godzilla stuffing this release to the military command to rub your titties, you know old Pharoahe loves a good pair of boobs. Don't you? Even the ladies love the boobies. Simon says click on this link and love the boobs as much as this guy!
4. "The Titty Ditty"
Sometimes we have to be crass, but good Lord, does this lesser-known poet have some gumption when it comes to tits.
3. Frank Zappa - "Titties and Beer"
Goddamn it! Frank Zappa loves his big-titty girl named Chrissy and his beer! Bozzio, the devil, better give 'em back quick!!!
2. Tyga - "Rack City"
We close with Tyga's strip-joint banger. We don't have to explain it. The title says it all, and, moreover, it beats the hell out of putting up any track by the recently bitchified Lil' Wayne . He can go cry to the NBA all he wants while we enjoy the fine dining that can be accompanied only by delicious, fema- Lolo Ferrari- le breasts.
1. Lolo Ferrari - "Airbag Generation"
I apologize for the "false close" above. When we talk about tits, we can only talk about gravity-defying monsters of the monstrous variety that the dearly departed (and not allowed to ride in/and/or/on airplanes) Lolo Ferrari . She is not a standard feature on Italian sports cars, but she sure has been on the many an oddly held scepter of Italian (and international) loverods. Who'd mind breaking their necks on that? Chicken wing breath and all?
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