Five Reasons Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Should Start Selling Weed in Florida
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony didn't just invent the quick-tongued R&B-rap style that spawned a thousand A$APs and Kendrick Lamars.
They are also one of the most 420 friendly ensembles in the history of hip-hop. All rappers love weed. But none with the insatiability of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, who would smoke their own mothers if they heard it would get them high.
Until then, thuggish ruggish affiliate Flesh-N-Bone has developed his own strain of weed, dubbed "Phifty Caliber Kush," to be sold at dispensaries in states where medicinal marijuana is legal. As experts in narco-trafficking pop stars, we think that if Flesh is serious about starting his herbal investment, it's high time the rapper brought that ish to Florida.
Here are five reasons Bone Thugs and Flesh-N-Bone should slang trees in the Sunshine State.
5. Florida Needs Somebody to Save the Bongs
During his verse on "Weed Song," Flesh drops the rhyme "Be rippin' the bong like me/can hit it as long as me," suggesting that his lungs are especially primed for maximum inhalation of marijuana exhaust as filtered through a water pipe. So if FNB is going to help bring legalization to America's wang, he's gonna need to make saving the bongs a high priority.
In case ya haven't heard, certain squares in the Florida Legislature are trying to pass a permanent ban on the sale of water pipes. And, frankly, we're surprised it took this long! Every filling station in this country is a front for paraphernalia (and bath salts). But it's stayed under the radar thus far because the only people who go inside of these places to pay for and pump their own gas are drug-addicted proles. The man behind the bill -- Rep. Darryl Rouson -- probably figured this out when he was a crackhead buying those plastic roses and using the stem as a pipe.
4. Florida Hydro Will Really Get You Buzzed
Aside from maybe, like, Humboldt County and the stoney baloney mountains of Denver, Colorado, no chronic is more bubonic than that of the gurgling swamp that Ponce de León called La Florida, or, the "Flowery Land."
Flowers is right! Florida hydroponic will "really get you buzzed," which is precisely the desired result of Bone Thugs' cannabis consumption as outlined in "Buddah Lovaz." As his business develops, Flesh will probably want to diversify his inventory either via trade or crossbreeding. Miami in particular is home to so many exotic strains of diggity dankness that smokers can't even begin to imagine the true power of Phifty Caliber Kush in hybrid form.
3. Florida Is Founded Upon Escapism and Way Scarier Drugs
The only reason anybody moves to this state is to get away from something or to sell drugs to people who are in hiding. The beginnings of Miami's skyline are rooted in smuggling cocaine, and Central Florida is one of the top five meth capitals in America.
Doesn't an influx of exotic weed sound, like, a thousand times better than yappy morons snorting Borax in VIP or scary people with scabs on crystal methamphetamine? And, goddamn it, what's with all of the uppers? Isn't relaxation the whole point of this stupid place? Who rails a bunch of speed and then goes to the beach? We are of the humble opinion that it makes more sense to smoke a fatty and pass out in the Atlantic on an inflatable alligator.
2. In Florida, More of Your Income Can Go to Reefer
The Sunshine State has no state income tax. Which means that when the first of the month finally rolls around, you've got more than five to throw on it. "It" being the fat sack you and your crew are going to incinerate like a jet plane burns gasoline. Don't forget that when you cash your check at Publix, it only costs a dollar! Speaking of Publix, we love Coin Star for enabling us to turn stray dimes into dimesacks. And the bakery is dank too.
1. Every Single Person in Florida Smokes Bud
You might even go as far to say it is populated with only budsmokers.
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