Ten Stocking Stuffers for Spoiled Superstars That Have Everything
Every Christmas, we try to buy our favorite pop stars the perfect gift.
And every December 25th, the presents we've laid under the tree and the stuffing we've shoved in stockings are met with obviously-fake enthusiasm, eye rolls or -- more often than you'd expect -- wailing cries of bellicose hatred.
But this year, we've done our research. We've made our own lists, checked them thrice, and we're not going home until every pop star on the front page of TMZ screams, "God bless us! Every one!" like Tiny Tim on bath salts.
10. Superstar: Miley Cyrus
TicketsWed., Oct. 26, 8:00pm
Anthony Hamilton With Lalah Hathaway & Eric Benet
TicketsThu., Oct. 27, 7:30pm
Alessia Cara: Know-It-All Tour Part II
TicketsFri., Oct. 28, 7:30pm
Sully Erna: Hometown Tour 2016
TicketsFri., Oct. 28, 8:00pm
Sia: Nostalgic For The Present Tour
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 7:00pm
Stocking Stuffer: G-string and/or thong(s)
In 2012, the former Disney sweetheart, and daughter of country music artist Billy Ray Cyrus, rebranded herself wild-and-crazy with a manic potency rivaling Britney's standard-setting, head-shaving meltdown of 2007. But, like, a thousand times more composed and calculated. Do you really believe Hannah Montanna is going off the rails? We think all this ass grabbin' and consorting with pornstars is akin to Diddy changing his name to "Swag." That is to say, contrived as hell and corny as fuck.
Stocking Stuffer: Twice his weight in weed
Ricky Rozay smokes his weight in weed like it ain't no thang. So this Christmas, help the Bawse up the ante by filling the big red sock hanging over his fireplace with 600 pounds of marijuana.
8. Superstar: deadmau5
Stocking Stuffer: Tranquilizer gun (to be used on him)
For real though, Santa needs to snap into stealth mode, slink down Joel Zimmerman's chimney, and sedate the fuck out of this nerd pronto. When he wasn't freaking out about - of all people - Madonna, he was bitching and moaning about, uh, the genre of music he helped make an international sensation, and helped him land a Reality TV pin-up for a girlfriend who can look past the LARPing gear and obsessive Facebook photo albums.
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.