Clips of Def Leppard Fans' Intense Fan Fiction - Live at BankAtlantic, August 9

Def Leppard and Poison are bringing their big hair, big riffs, and big hooks to BankAtlantic Center on August 9. The "Rock of Ages Tour" -- named after the movie based on the musical based on the music of these two bands and their contemporaries -- will begin just a few days before the movie is released, and it'll be in our town just a couple of hot months later.

In case you didn't know: Def Leppard fans like the Leps so much, they write fan fiction about it. What other band garners the special type of admiration normally reserved for Quantum Leap, Back to the Future, and StarsTrek and Wars? The Beatles, the Beastie Boys, and Bob Dylan. But their fans' fiction is normal as hell compared to the canons written about Def Lep.

Here are some the best quotes from the unofficial Def Leppard fan fiction site.

"A Second Chance at Happiness"

It's a tale about a newlywed, young mother, who is the marketing director for the Beer Company and also plays rugby in Oklahoma. In her younger years, she had sex with bassist Rick "Sav" Savage. She always had loads of sexual tension with Joe Elliott. She almost had sex with Elliott but chose her husband in the end, but not till after a trip to the International House of Pancakes, a dolphin show, and the Tower of Terror.

"Lacey McKinzy!" Joe Elliott, the lead singer yelled. "How's our favorite beer wench?" She flipped them all the finger and continued working on the tap. They laughed as she walked toward the stage.

"Hi!" They took turns hugging her.

Everyone watched for 40 minutes as Lacey played one of her best games ever. She didn't miss a single tackle, she was tight in the scrum, and she scored a try. During halftime, she ran to the clubhouse and grabbed a sports drink. She looked up and saw Joe and Sav. She waved and then walked back to the field.

"We eat pizza a lot now." He smiled as the men laughed.

"How was she?"

"I'm not telling." He smiled.

"Why not? You've rated all the other ones."

"She's off the scale." He leaned back into his seat.

"Two Lepps and a Lady"

Surprisingly, this one isn't as coherent as the last one. It may be about a female pop star, who is kind of a tomboy but likes to talk about sex. But she's really a daddy's girl- - and her dad, or uncle, is guitarist Phil Collen. She turns to drinking when she finds out he's not really her dad. Her dad may actually may be former guitarist Steve Clark. Oh! The title makes sense now... It's like My Two Dads or Three Men and a Baby.

"Man, Evan! I was doin' Fred Durst!" she pounded her fists against the wall.

She took a second drink. Geeze, her arms were already beginning to feel tingly.

They both shared a laugh, but then Chris turned serious. "'Ave you told 'er yet?" He shook his head. "I can't, bro. Every time I get me nerve up, she looks at me with those crystal blues and I... I just can't."

"Wild Thing" 

This story is also based in Oklahoma -- it's a mess. The high school valedictorian rides horses, and she found a job at a record store in Los Angeles. And, wow! Pauly Shore is in it. This is nuts...

"Well, I'm Pauly Shore." He held his hand out.

"So I've heard."

"My mother owns the Comedy Store. I just come back every now and then to help her out."

A famous comedian called Pauly Shore, whom the girls recognized from MTV, was a performer.

"He's not as cute as he looks on TV." Samantha spoke.

There's also a story called "The Coyotes" which is under construction; we really want to read that one. We strongly suggest you read all of these; they will broaden your understanding of these New Wave of the British Heavy Metal Pioneers, and you'll have a richer view of the band when you see it live.

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Jose Flores
Contact: Jose Flores