Better than: The pizza we munched on during the show.
Our taste test of Bon Jovi's family pasta sauce, Bongiovi
Photos from the Bon Jovi and Kings of Suburbia show
One word to describe Jon Bon Jovi's solo debut with the Kings of Suburbia: jazzy. Another word to describe it: bluesy. Yet another: weird old man music. Wait, that's four words. Either way, we're going with it. Jazzy, bluesy, weird old man music.
We kinda should have known what to expect of JBJ's debut with the band Kings of Suburbia after eyeing the well-maintained crowd. It was middle class, shimmery, and very blond. Also, the name "Kings of Suburbia"... You know, clues.
When you think of JBJ, you think of rock 'n' roll. Well, pop rock 'n' roll, the yummy, amped-up stuff of the '80s. With "It's My Life," he got more pop than rock, and his hair began to look less like Cher's and more like Hillary Clinton's. Then, we thought, well everyone's gotta age. But it is possible to age and still rock. With this new backing band, there was no rock. Nothing heavy. Not much but jazzy covers and original Bon Jovi hits played at odd tempos.
That said, Jon Bon Jovi is legitimately one of the handsomest old dudes ever, and his mop would be impressive on a 15-year-old. He puts Bieber and all of the Jonas Brothers to shame with those thick, bouncing tresses. And he's, of course, still a great performer.
Jon (we'll call him that to distinguish him from his usual band that shares his last name) stepped out on the stage, all cool with aviators and a denim American-flag buttoned-down shirt. He started with what we're almost sure was a cover of the Byrds' "So You Want to Be a Rock and Roll Star," except it didn't sound anything like the Byrds' version. He was backed vocally by both soulful ladies and white guitar dudes and instrumentally by a full band.
He said, "Show me what you've, got sister," all sexy-like, before breaking into "You Give Love a Bad Name." All the blond ladies got on their heeled feet, singing the last lines of the song loudly and without Jon's assistance.
Jon danced about like a dork. He charmed the audience, joking that he saw trouble in them, then adding "not really." He announced that there are a lot of pretty girls in South Florida. This led, of course to "Pretty Woman." Jon's aviators came off, presumably to show respect to Roy Orbison (RIP)? He sang, "Are you lonely, just like me?" Why yes, Jon, we are. How'd you know? Your hair looks great, BTW!