Concerts

Ten Ways You Know You're Too Old for This Club

If you liked to party, you'll always like to party, at least a little. It's part of who you are. All those years of sloshing cheap booze down your gullet and getting blasted on bass have integrated party-time into your actual physical being. Those flashbacks don't come from nothing, and they ain't going nowhere.

These days though, you're feeling a little long in the tooth for a night out at da club. The walls shake too much and all those hormones make you feel funny. Penises are purposefully brushed against your booty and no one shows up before midnight. If you're wondering if you are actually too elderly to be at a spot where people gather for fun and future fornication, we've got 10 ways here to know for certain.

See also: Sober Observations of People All Drunk and Stupid at the Club

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Liz has her master’s degree in religion from Florida State University. She has since written for publications and outlets such as Miami New Times, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, Ocean Drive, the Huffington Post, NBC Miami, Time Out Miami, Insomniac, the Daily Dot, and the Atlantic. Liz spent three years as New Times Broward-Palm Beach’s music editor, was the weekend news editor at Inverse, and is currently the managing editor at Tom Tom Magazine.
Contact: Liz Tracy