Riptide reported yesterday that homewrecker and sometimes Nazi-fetish enthusiast Michelle "Bombshell" McGee would be hosting LIV's Dirty Hairy party April 21, marking a new low in tastelessness for Miami Beach. We've got to admit, we expected this sort of publicity stunt from other South Beach nightclubs, but not LIV and especially not from the Fontainebleau, which describes itself as a "blend of Miami's stylish golden era with modern luxury." What's exactly luxurious about some tattooed skank who is well-past her 15 minutes of fame is beyond us.
Still, it got us thinking, what could be worse than McGee hosting?
These are the despicable people who picket at U.S. soldiers funerals saying it was the Lord's punishment for the nation "abandoning all moral imperatives." Fred Phelps and family might just be the most hated people in this country, reviled by liberals and conservatives alike. Though we might be tempted to attend if Phelps's granddaughter Megan Phelps-Roper sings "Whorish Face," her parody of the singer's hit "Poker Face."
Needless to say this would be a strictly boys-only affair, with ages ranging from 8 to 17. Drink the sacramental wine boys, because your memory is going to get fuzzy after that. Therapy will probably be required to bring out those suppressed memories years later, but who cares about the future? It's all about the right now. So why don't you make yourself a little more comfortable and disrobe?
2. Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez
Guess who having a joint Super Sweet 16 par-tay? Castro and Chavez! The dictator divas are easily the most hated people in Miami, having driven out millions of people from the homeland and separating families for years. We doubt either one would get very far from the tarmac if they ever decided to celebrate big in the Magic City.
1. Zombie Hitler
Because the only thing worse than some wannabe pin-up model in Nazi gear is the reanimated Führer himself. But no worries, the only thing you got to watch out for now is his insatiable hunger for BRAAAAAAINS!
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Jose D. Duran has been the associate web editor of Miami New Times since 2008. He's the voice and strategist behind the publication's eyebrow-raising Facebook and Twitter feeds. He has also been reporting on Miami's music, entertainment, and cultural scenes since 2006, previously through sites such as MiamiNights.com and OnBeat.com. He earned his BS in journalism with a minor in art history from the University of Florida. He's a South Florida native and will be a Miami resident as long as climate change permits and the temperature doesn't drop below 60 degrees.