Five Food Items to Buy for Your Hurricane Party

Five Food Items to Buy for Your Hurricane Party (2)
via NOAA Hurricane Center

Just when we started to take our eyes off Hurricane Matthew, he zigged and we were told he would zag, thus placing South Florida right back into the dreaded 'cone of caution'; completely uncool, but nonetheless, a reality. Keeping an eye on the tropics and dealing with what it throws in our general direction is just a part of living on the southern tip of Florida, so we deal.

Hurricanes are obviously serious business, and so we need to make sure we are prepared for the worst, while we hope for the best. That means gathering supplies and hoarding them like a mouse in the wall. Beyond the usual things like flashlights, batteries, water, and gas for your car and grill, you're going to need food. 

You're especially going to need food if you're planning a hurricane party. Not like, a disrespectful LOL, nothing is going to happen to us, hurricane party, but a gathering of people to drink and eat while you wait out the storm, kind of party. 

Here are the top five foods you need to run out and buy right now so your hurricane party is not only the safest place to ride out the storm, but also the most fun. 

5. Peanut Butter and Jelly 

Technically two foods here, but because we are a big fan of being prepared, we are lumping them into the same category. Peanut Butter and Jelly is admittedly not the best party food, but a hurricane party isn't just any party; it's a survival party. People could theoretically be stuck together for days, months, or even years!

You're going to need food that lasts a long time, but that's also fun. Who the hell wants to eat some nasty-ass canned tuna and play cards? That's not a party, that's literally what they do in prison! I've heard! I think! I saw on TV once. You can spread the PB&J over some crackers, or set out a PB&J bar next to the actual bar. You could have your hurricane party bartender actually making PB&J's. This one will keep things light while you wait for the rain to stop. 

4. Salsa Con Queso 

This one is just smart. Have you ever been to a Super Bowl party where this stuff was left out for eight hours? It stands the test of time. It could literally be left outside in a hurricane and it might not change one bit. This is ideal if what you are looking for is a food that might need to stick around for a few days without refrigeration. 

Salsa con queso can be used for quite a few things, including the topping for your cheeseburgers. Ever try to eat cheese that's been sitting around for days? Hell no. You might give yourself food poisoning during a storm, and the hospitals will probably make you a low priority patient because they will have actual non-idiots to deal with. You ate bad cheese. Don't take a chance, go buy 17 bottles of salsa con queso right now. Drink it in case of an emergency, it's delicious. 
 

3. Beef Jerky 

Another item on this list that would literally last you until next hurricane season if you needed it to. You can even dip it in the salsa con queso. Hell, you can dip it in the peanut butter. Let's get weird. Beef jerky might save your life, you don't know. Think about a hurricane party as a zombie attack party; you need to have stuff that will last and sustain you. 

I'd suggest buying multiple flavors, cutting them into shapes, and having someone walk around serving them like they are hors d'oeuvres a five-star chef-prepared. You could also do a blind folded taste test and make people guess the flavor of jerky for a prize. You could also turn this into a drinking game where the losers have to take a shot. 

2. Jell-O (shots)

You can have non-alcoholic jello and ones spiked with the hard stuff, just make sure you label them accordingly if there is going to be any children around. Jello holds up quite well when left out in those tiny dixie cups, so go make a bunch of Jell-O tonight. Worst case scenario you have 500 Jell-O shots left over for the Miami-FSU game, or better yet, for the Miami Dolphins next loss this Sunday against the Tennessee Titans. I really shouldn't have to tell you how to get rid of jello shots, but those are two perfectly fine options. 

As far as a survival food, jello can hydrate and fill you up! I actually don't think that's true, but it seems right. Let's roll with it. 

1. Spam

Yup, Spam. It's diverse. It's nourishing. It lasts forever in a can. It makes for great food fights. Whatever you need it for, it's there. Spam has never let anyone down in it'slife, unless you expected it to taste good, then that's on you. You can even grill Spam (it's actually not terrible). Hamburger meat and hot dogs will only last so long, switch it up and get you the best Spam money can buy. 

If you want to have some fun with the spam, mold it into a hurricane sculpture and place crackers and chips around it — topical. Anyone can order a platter of food from Publix for their hurricane party, but not everyone can mold Spam into a hurricane statue: that's talent. 


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