Jennifer Aniston Fills Her Pool With Smartwater, Has Alien Love Child (Video)

I went to high school with Jennifer Aniston. This was long before Friends made her a superstar, and Aniston was just another slightly awkward teen at the High School of Performing Arts/LaGuardia School of the Arts. You may know it as the Fame school, where adolescents danced in the cafeteria...

By Laine Doss

September 20, 2012

[
        {
          "name": "GPT - Billboard - Slot Inline - Content - Labeled - No Desktop",
          "component": "16971022",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "15769925",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Rectangle 2x - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782206",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Leaderboard to Tower - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782207",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

I went to high school with Jennifer Aniston. This was long before Friends made her a superstar, and Aniston was just another slightly awkward teen at the High School of Performing Arts/LaGuardia School of the Arts.

You may know it as the Fame school, where adolescents danced in the cafeteria and learned Shakespeare instead of algebra.

Because she's a fellow alum, I've followed her career. And the tabloid

articles. And her Smartwater endorsements (if drinking water can give

you that hair and body... I want some of that).

So, it shocked me

(and gave me a slight frisson of jealous pleasure) to watch this "secret

security camera footage" taken from the star's home and leaked by Ryan

Seacrest. In it, we learn that Aniston has two secret love children

(including a space alien); is, in fact, pregnant again; has really bad

hair; and not only drinks Smartwater... she swims in it.

It's actually a brilliant spoof that proves the actress has a sense of humor. And wait till you see who her secret son is.

Follow @ CleanPlateBPB

Become A Member

BEFORE YOU GO...
Can you help us continue to share our stories? Since the beginning, New Times Broward-Palm Beach has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida — and we'd like to keep it that way. Our members allow us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls.

Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times, covering the restaurant and bar scene in South Florida. She has been featured on Cooking Channel’s Eat Street and Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race. Doss won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature on what it’s like to wait tables. In a previous life, she appeared off-Broadway and shook many a cocktail as a bartender at venues in South Florida and New York City. When she’s not writing, you can find Doss running some marathon then celebrating at the nearest watering hole.

Contact: Laine Doss

Follow:

Facebook: laine.doss

Twitter: @lainedoss