Four Foods to Put You to Sleep, Make You Fat, and Save Your Marriage

The Today Show on MSNBC reported this morning that women with sleep deprivation report higher problems with their marriage.

Well duh. A lack of sleep makes anyone cranky and women are already doped up on estrogen which means that less quality melatonin-time, well... you just don't want to go there.

This got us thinking about food, clearly, and reminiscing about our yearly tryptofan overdoses on Thanksgiving turkey. That glorious nap after three pounds of turkey is surely caused by the beast's magical amino acid and not the large portions. 

But no human could eat that much meat every night to achieve the ultimate sleep-status without becoming sick of it. So what else can you eat for the sleepies? Foods high on the glycemic-index because not only will they make you happy, they'll also raise your serotonin levels high enough for you to drift into dreamland. Check out this list and keep in mind we said these will help you sleep, not necessarily keep you skinny.

4. Watermelon - 72

Granted of the eight foods on this list watermelon has the glycemic index at 72. This is the one caveat to the "fatty" foods on this list. Even though it's high on the GI you'd have to eat tons of it for it to have an effect on your waistline. In fact, in proper doses it's quite good for your health. Did you know it's also an aphrodisiac? says it has a "Viagra-like effect," relaxes your blood vessels, and improves circulation. In other words it makes you loose. 

3. Jelly Beans - 80

Jelly Beans are those shiny, happy treats you remember shoving into your face around Easter. But then you forget about the nap you took on the way back from Easter church service every year. Sure, it had something to do with your young age but also the egregious amounts of sugar you just plowed through. Rumor has it that the glucose in these buggers speed up your body's production of serotonin and tryptophan which are both essential for sleeping.

2. Pretzels - 81

We once had a friend that was hit by a car while riding her bike. To cure her wounds, pre-hospital, she bought some pretzels and then waited for the ambulance to arrive. The moral of the story is that pretzels heal all wounds whether they're caused by marriage, sleep-deprivation, or a speeding hunk o' metal.

​1. Instant Rice -  91

There's nothing more comforting than a huge serving of pure white carbohydrates. Add instant rice to your turkey dinner and you're in business. Or you can just add a heaping of butter to your rice and call it an evening. Your choice.

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Devin Desjarlais