Ten Instruments Eddie Vedder Should Play Besides the Ukulele

You probably know Eddie Vedder for things like singing and playing guitar in Pearl Jam, stagediving, feuding with Kurt Cobain, feuding with Ticketmaster, and campaigning for Democrats.

What you might not know about the '90s rock icon is that he is a bonafide ukelele enthusiast. And in a little over a week, he's bringing some of that Parrothead flavor to South Florida when he performs at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts.

Alright, Vedder's ukelele isn't especially Jimmy Buffet-esque. It's more akin to the uke rock fusion of Hawaiian shred sensation Jake Shimabukuro, who the grungeman cites as a major inspiration for why he first picked up the teeny-tiny, adorable guitar.

Personally, we couldn't be more pleased with Eddie's decision to stare death in the face and take a plunge down the ukelele wormhole. Here are ten more whimsical instruments we think he should consider playing.

10. Kazoo

These days the kids are crazy about their favorite bands playing classic albums from start to finish. And hyper-commemorative reissues of records you can still find for, like, a dollar at Goodwill. We think Eddie Vedder should convince Pearl Jam to become a kazoo-based ensemble and re-record their landmark debut album and grunge milestone Ten with kazoos.

9. Vocoder

Yeah, everybody loves that song "Jeremy." But imagine how much more they would love it if Vedder's signature gurgle had a bit more T-Pain in the mix. And, hey, Neil Young embraced robo-sensual Auto Tune on Trans. Doesn't Pearl Jam hang out with that guy?

8. Vuvezuela

We were surprised to see that you could buy tickets to this grunge-elele extravaganza through Ticketmaster. In the '90s, Pearl Jam made the fee vulture their number one enemy in a vaguely political crusade for consumer rights within the music industry. If Eddie Vedder had really wanted his campaign against the corporatization of the concert experience to succeed, he should have rallied his longhaired, unwashed, reefer-burning fan base to Occupy every box office in the country. And they should have all been armed with vuvezuelas.

7. Harp

Honestly, the harp would be less ridiculous than a fucking ukelele.

6. Finger Piano

It's a little known fact that Pearl Jam antecedent, Mother Love Bone, were tremendous finger piano enthusiasts. And, we hear that Soundgarden frontman and Vedder's fellow Temple of the Dog crooner, Chris Cornell, has a whole finger piano concept album that his label won't let him release. In conclusion, Eddie Vedder should play the finger piano.

5. Digeridoo

If Eddie Vedder came out onstage and started blowin' a mean, soulful digeri-tune, you know his audience would eat that shit up like hungry little piggies frothing at the trough.

4. Maracas

OK, fine. He can't just play maracas. It looks like Eddie is gonna have to learn how to play the ukelele with his feet.

3. Musical Glasses

Yo, isn't this dude supposed to be some kinda high-minded book reader? We're pretty sure he performs at campaign events and stuff, too. How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you play the goddamn ukelele? Vedder needs to get classy. Or maybe glassy.

2. Handbells

Kazoos, handbells... This list is turning into an Arcade Fire record.

1. Washtub Bass

Like we were saying, fuck this Ticketmaster shit! Eddie Vedder needs to embrace American roots music, hop trains like a hobo, and spend his nights busking on street corners.

Eddie Vedder on ukulele, November 30 and December 1, at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Visit browardcenter.org, or call 954-462-0222.

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