Food News

Schrute Farms: The Top Ten TripAdvisor Comments

Photos of Schrute Farms, Honesdale
This photo of Schrute Farms is courtesy of TripAdvisor

The internet is going crazy with talk of a spinoff of The Office, featuring none other than Dwight Schrute at his Beet Farms bed and breakfast.

We would watch that in a heartbeet... errr, heartbeat.  We're awaiting the official announcement of the show with beeted... ummm... baited breath.

In the meantime, we figured we would book a trip to Schrute Farms for a little romantic weekend of duck walks and beet wine.  We perused some of the 875 TripAdvisor reviews and found that most people loved the beet wine and beet stew, while others were taken aback by the host's extensive weapons collection and Battlestar Galactica marathons.

Here are the top ten comments that we found:

10. On checking in, which is hard to do with a

pen that writes with beet juice, they huddled together in a corner

whispering. This was rather unnerving as they kept looking at my wife

and I distinctly heard the words "breeding stock."

9. TripAdvisor lists "Beach" as part of the hotel amenities. I don't feel

the pond truly has a "beachy" feel. The manager apologized and sent some

beet champagne to try and quell our complaint. Unfortunately, beet

champagne needs to be CHILLED, not served warm. In addition, the dixie

cups provided melted due to the acidity of the champagne.

8. Dinner consisted of a variety of beet preparations. Beet Consomme, salad

of wilted beet greens with beet bacon, followed by Filet of Beet with

beet mash, and beet gelato for dessert. Each course was served with

several different beet wines

(though all of them tasted much the same). The kids menu consisted of

beet nuggets with beet fries -- not popular with the kiddies. My youngest

commented that her plate was "bleeding."

7. We ventured into the barn, where Mose showed the children

all the sharp instruments used in beet farming. After calming them down,

we had a full-on beet dinner. Who knew you could make so many dishes

out of beets?! The rooms were quaint and comfortable, but we didn't get

much sleep due to the sounds of someone crying all night.

6. The meals were homecooked and generally tasty, although I passed on the fresh horse milk and the diced beet pancakes.

5. First of all, the beet ice cream is to DIE FOR! Beet-scented candles are

complimentary (after you work the ten-hour shift to make them!) The

organic beet soap in the bathroom clearly is a godsend. Will be back!

4. Beetburgers (great for the vegetarians among us!), mashed beets with

gravy, beet bread, and beet pie for dessert! Wow, what a spread!! We

especially enjoyed the beet wine that was served before bedtime.

3. They woke me and my friends up at 7:30 a.m. and invited us to the all beets and goat jerky breakfast.

2. The natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedrooms and makes you

dream of simpler times.

1. I ruined my manicure trying to milk goats.

Just as we were about to book a magical weekend, we were jolted back into reality by this message from TripAdvisor:

As seen on NBC's The Office.

Have fun reading these reviews -- go on, add your own! Just don't try to

book a visit here, because this fictional place doesn't really exist.

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times, covering the restaurant and bar scene in South Florida. She has been featured on Cooking Channel’s Eat Street and Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race. Doss won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature on what it’s like to wait tables. In a previous life, she appeared off-Broadway and shook many a cocktail as a bartender at venues in South Florida and New York City. When she’s not writing, you can find Doss running some marathon then celebrating at the nearest watering hole.
Contact: Laine Doss