Half Baked: Dirty Things Chefs Say

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Patty Canedo is a chef in Palm Beach. She writes frequently about her kitchen exploits in this column, Half-Baked.

(I forget the ancient civilization Javier claimed this "recipe" descended from) "Ok, the duck butter is when a man has the sex with his woman in the morning and doesn't shower after. He works all day, the hard manual labor, and all the stuff that builds up around his balls is the duck butter. You take that and put it on any cut or burn and it will heal it right away." With my outburst of laughter I was now in the frat.   

This isn't even the dirtiest thing I've ever been told or have said. The fact is the line gets pretty colorful and nothing is taboo. But there is an unspoken list of things you should never let chef or your fellow cohorts hear you say. A few dim collaegues committed these atrocities and faced the firing squad:

5) "Chef I'm broke until we get paid and my tank is on empty. Can you spot me?" The next day this young Einstein came in late walloped by a hangover to others remarking about his performance at the bar last night in front of chef.

4) "I can't work this week (Christmas/New Years) week because I hurt my back." So while the rest of us worked to cover her shifts all week she arrogantly posted pics of her recovery in Vegas on Facebook.   

3) "I'm going to be late to work because I have no money to fill my tank and I don't know how I'm going to come in." We still aren't sure how this schlub eventually made it in over two hours late for service. But he did use the opportunity gripe about his pay to chef while sporting a new phone, shoes and haircut.

2) "How would you know you aren't even the one out here making all this stuff. You don't do half the work I do." As a young sous, I took two days to address this statement from the most stubborn member of my staff. One day to avoid physically harming him and another to remove the profanity from my retort so he'd know he was in that much trouble. 

1) Disrespect The Dishwasher (This is the Golden Rule)

Day one when chef is making intros he'll most likely tell you to go to the dish with any questions. Why? They are the most important person in the kitchen. The place comes to a screaching hault if they don't show. Since they do anything chef/the owner asks, from prep to plumbing, they often know more about the place than anyone.

As Chef put it, "you treat them like gold because frankly no one wants to do their job."    


Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.

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